Quest In Reality

little-self

little-self
Shantnu The levels of supreme intelligence, supra consciousness, and the Reality.
Angelee And what is that Reality?
Shantnu Us, my sweet sister…
Before he could complete his sentence, Angelee rushed out of the cottage and came back, in a few minutes. All stared at her. She had come back fully attired in a local (hilly) dress. Her two long plaits of hair were falling from each side of her slender neck and were touching her knees.
She came straight to Shantnu and touched his feet with both hands and sat there. Shantnu immediately got up and entered his room. Within moments he came out, fully clothed and touched the head of Angelee and blessed her with tender hands. She stood up and magnetically threw the balance of her light body at the vast expanse of his chest. He extended his one arm around her and kissed her head. It was a scene of pure love, vibrating from the hearts of a brother and a sister, who had united in a unit of eternal love. Four misty eyes, were beholding this enactment of mutual affection.

The assembly of four, paired out to the lawns outside and sat relaxed in chairs, in a manners, that Angelee and Shantnu faced each other.
Gopi If you are conscious about our nakedness, should we also dress up?
Angelee It is my regard for my master that I covered up my nudity. Not that it mattered, for my love for you, is my shield, which no other man can pierce through. But to a Master, one must go with naked mind but with covered ‘self’ because whereas the master mends the infirmities of the mind, it is the duty of the self to mend its fences itself, as the master, cleans the minds not the unclean bodies, I have simply covered the blemishes of my body, whereas my mind is completely surrendered and that too in its original state of nudity. You know before spring all the threes shed off their leaves, birds their old plumes and the ponds dry up. But when spring sets in, trees cover themselves up with leaves, ponds fill with fresh water and birds grow colorful new plumes. It is their regard and respect for the new season, that they assume new looks, with beautiful veils of greenery, fresh waters and colors.
Umeshwari How lucky you are! You have attained in a trice what I could not attain even after spending years at the blessed feet of my Master.
Umeshwari and Gopi went to their respective lodges while Shantnu and Angelee watched their vanishing nudity.
Before the walls of his hut could cover his nudity, Gopi was called by Umeshwari to her cottage. As soon as he reached her, she caught hold of his hand and led him inside. Entering her room she opened the windows of the room, facing Shantnu and Angelee who were sitting in the lawn. She was tightly holding Gopi’s neck, with her left hand.
Angelee Has she tripped for all her labors? I pity her.
Shantnu No, Angelee, don’t pity her. She is a mortal human being. She was brought up in a so-called free society. She was bereft of the love of a mother. She had chosen the path of renunciation as a revolt to the society. She sincerely believed in the path of her choice. But it was an emotional decision which she tried all these years, to live up to. Her master could not release her pent up emotions. Considering all these factors, she has done quite well indeed. Her level of consciousness is much deeper and vaster than many a so-called masters of the day. But the only snag in her mental frame up is she never willingly tried to give herself up, voluntarily to a man or to her conscience. She is welled up between the two. Neither could she surrender to a man, nor to her wisdom. But after this night, she will be alright.
Angelee You mean, she will have a go at you also! But why Gopi or you when she had the entire world to play around!
Shantnu Are you jealous?
Angelee Jealous and me! I am rather happy, instead of falling in the dirty hands of others; she will be safe in the loving hands of my husband and my new found master. Love is not selfish, it demands giving and sharing. I do not believe in selfish love. It would be a bondage and not freedom.
 

little-self

little-self
Shantnu Now about your question; actually what happened yesterday or this morning, was due to her sudden emotional freedom. All of a sudden, under the pressure of her unleashed emotions, her dam of pent up feelings, burst, and she was simply swayed in their fast currents. But unconsciously, she was not ready for it. Her wisdom has not surfaced as yet. She danced naked in the presence of a person, whom she had considered always her younger brother. Though they had been brought up together, but deep down she always considered Gopi, her inferior, subservient to her. Gopi too, could not reconcile to the new environment of Aggarwala family on equal terms. He could never click on their level, even if, his status in their household, was that of a brother and sister, father and son. You just saw, even if Gopi had other ideas, but he was mutely led by Umeshwari and he simply obeyed. Both of them will not be able to accept the new relationship and would have remorseful feelings later.
About why she chose Gopi, not me, is due to the reason she felt ashamed of her behavior in the presence of Gopi. Though both of you took part in the drama, but you had the cover of each other. Your love for each other is the shield, as you say, for any encroachment. But she had no such shield or cover of love. Therefore, when a person bares his/her guards in front of another person and has qualms thereafter they invariably try to establish equanimity with that person/object. If a person harms himself in front of other, he is sure to establish peace with that person. And if the person happens to be of opposite gender, extreme intimacy is the result.
Umeshwari had ashamed herself in front of Gopi and now, she wants to amend the cause of that shame by making Gopi an associate in her guilt---hence both are sharing their quilts. But the opposite would happen. Both shall emerge a little dwarfed, with more guilt attached.
And why she did not chose me, was due to my non attachment to her. Though she is as beautiful as you are, I was not sensually influenced by either of you. I like beauty and I have all praise for it. Persons are not important but the beauty, they permeate, is more important.
She understands this, so she did not prefer me. She was afraid of my rejection.
Angelee And Gopi could not dare to reject her. But she was flaunting herself shamelessly in the window. Why?
Shantnu It was not her affront before us. It was an act of protest, against herself, her conscience, her finer self and finally against her chastity.
They heard the subdued voices of their foot steps; Gopi was going meekly, towards his hut, covering his nakedness, with a wrapped towel, around his torso, both laughed.
They both went inside the cottage and had a hearty lunch of vegetable ‘pranthas’ (stuffed rotis-bread) as neither Gopi nor Umeshwari, responded to their calls for lunch.
While they were having their lunch, Umeshwari had taken her showers at least twice. Smells of a varieties of perfumes was cascading out of her doors. Again and again, she was taking baths. Repeated sounds of flushing and showers were coming from her bathroom, as if she was trying to clean her conscience, not body. The unclean spots on a body are washed easily but the spots of conscience are the irritants ever there, forever.
Angelee did not go to her hut, so they preferred to sit in the verandah, just outside the small dining room.

Angelee Please tell me about conscience.

Shantnu Angelee, out of sport I did not check you. Please don’t call me a master. I am a lost soul, wandering in your sojourn. I am a seeker, a learner, not a master.
Angelee Sorry, I did not mean to hurt you. I really consider you my liberator. I overheard you, many a time, while you both were engrossed in long dialogues. I have learnt much from you. My intentions being sincere I called you my Master, from depth of my heart. Any outer symbols don’t matter, as you have said. So I attach no prefixes on you. You are what you are.
Shantnu The essence of positive tendencies is conscience.
Angelee And what are positive tendencies?
 

little-self

little-self
Shantnu Every aspect has its inherent qualities of good and bad. Like brightness of a day and darkness of a night. We know, it is because of the position of earth towards the sun resulting in distinction of day or night. But going beyond the sphere of the earth, there exists only brightness. So as long as we are in the grip of our senses, we have the sense of good or bad, but when dawn of knowledge awakens within us, we go beyond the realm of the mind; good and bad aspects lose their bearing. Everything appears in its original (normal) form.
Explaining it in a day to day vocabulary, whatever is done for the benefit of others, without any personal motive attached is good. And that which is done for our selfish motive is bad.
Angelee You were discussing one day about will power, what are its initial levels?
Shantnu These are power of concentration, hypnotism, auto suggestion, telepathy and instinct. All these powers are simultaneously self awakening and self destructive. If used in the search of the self or in the service of others, they are constructive for self realization. But when these are used for causing harm to others, they become self destructive because the user strays from the right path of service/self realization and is drowned in the slush of negative tendencies.
Angelee How are they harmful? It is said, these powers can attract person towards us.
Shantnu Angelee, those powers are so effective that the user can change the very character or the life style of others. Attracting a person is a small try. Even the collective thinking of a class of people can be influenced for the nefarious purposes of the user.
Angelee Then what are the defenses, one should erect before their onslaught?
Shantnu By rooting out the negative tendencies and utilizing only the positive for the benefit of others. By giving, one sheds useless burden of body as well as of the mind. Minimize your desires. That is possible when we confine ourselves to the minimum level. Interact with society and the external world, where absolutely necessary. Associate with persons/objects emitting positive tendencies only. At this stage, one confines mostly to oneself. He becomes self contained. Basing on minimum wants, one develops self-confidence. As when one only gives and does not desire things of others, his needs are merge and he sustains on himself. His confidence in the self develops. Self confidence is the store house of moral values. Thus constant association with the self leads to the development of will power, which is another name for confidence in the sell.
Angelee Now my Master, sorry, I used this word. I want to ascertain the authenticity of what you say. Not that I doubt, but there is a woman’s mind in me, which demands some clarifications from the person whom she regards her savior. I want to know whether you are attracted to me as a man or did it ever occur in your mind to have sex with me or Didi (sister). Please be sincere in your answers as I will attach much significance to them.
Shantnu My fair lady! I am very much attracted to you as a man and as a thinker. You appeal to me as a beautiful but simple woman. Though your charms are par-excellence, sensuality does not ooze out of your body. You have never appeared to me as a sensual, lust fulfilling persons. Only once while we were in the warm waters of the falls, I was momentarily drawn to you. But you might have observed I was not carnally aroused. I have seen your naked charms; you are a celestial beauty of “Kailash” (a holly mountain). You are a synonym of beauty, not just a body of flesh and blood. Beauty is to be rejoiced, extolled and praised, not to be raped and mauled.
With Umeshwari it was different, you know, I have a memory lapse, and when I found myself in the company of different women, all used my body. In a way my body has been the cause of my involvement with the fair sex. To them, I am a handsome, strong man, of immense features. They wanted to indulge and experiment with this body. Since I was in a bad shape of mind, I never could analyze my reactions. While here, I had some respite and I wanted to find out the state of my mind, as to whether I had really enjoyed their lusty behavior or I had merely been used. I checked my neutral reactions with her…
Angelee Without your telling, I know the results. You became a man in your self esteem. But what are you going to do with her, in case she wants to use your body, as others have been doing with you?
 

little-self

little-self
Shantnu Before replying your question, I will pose you one in return. What are your reactions towards me? I also want to see the state of mind of my would be pupil (and he laughed).
Angelee I was simply enraptured with your immense size of the body. I have never loved you and still don’t but I fear you, respect you. But previously before yesterday, I wanted to touch, and engulf your body. Woman in we craved for your body, but the love in me checked my advances. Ultimately, my love won and your body lost. Yesterday changed everything. The last nail, in the coffin of my lustful craving, was driven today. I got the better of you, which no other woman could claim as her. I got the pure love of a brother, guardian and Master. Object as much as you can, I will call you my Master, my Master, hear oh, world, if it can, I love my master, my brother, my guardian! (she shouted these words to the world at large at the top of her voice). Let the mountains hear, let the winds carry my message, let the flowing waters of river Parvati, cascade with these winds of music to the hearts of barren lands, but my words are spoken and let them carry their essence. Thus for you oh, Man, I have a woman’s heart which loves you, a sister’s affection, a pupil’s regard and the fear of the Master.

In the process, she was drained of energies and her voice became husky. She began to sob uncontrollably. Shantnu got up from his chair and went to her. He lifted her limp body and clasped her to his bosom. Her sobbing subsided with the tender touch of his big hands and her body began to regain it composure in the vast exposure of his warmth. She lifted up her head, which was peacefully crouching on his shoulder, and brought it to the level of his mouth. She advanced her wavering lips, near his closed mouth, but suddenly shook her head and instantly planted a big kiss on his forehead.
Shantnu Angelee, you have achieved a level in a few minutes which Umeshwari could attain in years. Now rush in, take care of Gopi. He needs you. Gopi needs a lot of love and you are amply capable of it.
She come out from his clasp and rushed to her hut, waving and flaying her arms in the air. Joyfully she gushed into her doors, saying farewell to the attained, by the backward movements of her left hand, and ready to amend the present, which was, temporarily, impaired.
Going to Gopi’s bed, she administered him a fraction of the love, she had just received. The poor man needs only this much and he revived happily in the warmth, that she had carried from the inexhaustible source of a lost seeker. While making loving her man, she was weeping for the man, who gave others whatever he had, made others happy and helped in mending their disjointed bodies and minds. But what he got in return? Faithless creatures, not worthy of his pious touch. She was sobbing shamelessly, for the man, who loved all, cared for all, cleansed their blemishes and bore them happily. She was crying for a man, who had lost his past, was utterly lonely, but still was enlightening others with his thinking mind, who excepting his thoughts had no worldly relations?
Gopi tried to console her. He begged of her forgiveness. But the poor fellow did not know, Angelee was not shedding her precious tears for a faithless man, but was trying to reach the fathoms of a heart, whose depths she wanted to enter into and make for herself a niche there. For that was the place, where only love abounds. She knew agonizing pains of a thinker, his loneliness, his zest for life, his joys, his sorrows, his travails coming into the path of his search, were heart rendering. Her body, mind, soul, ached for him and she cried and cried.
Poor fellow did not know, this was not the night of love making, but of soul searching. Aching of body, pains of mind and agony of the intellect chisels a man in the grind mill of wisdom, whereas tears of a pious heart, sobbing of pure mind, melts even the cold hearts.
Washing the blemishes of her body, she carried within her self a spotless heart and a calm mind. She came out of her hut. She was greatly hurt when she saw Shantnu still sitting in his chair, even though nightly stars were twinkling in the sky above. She stood behind him. He seemed oblivious of her presence. Out of compulsive urge, she touched his eyes with her both hands, they were moist. Suddenly, she could not control herself and fell in his lap. He was startled but remained composed. She brought her face, near his ear and whispered sobbingly.
Angelee Tell me frankly, are these precious germs for Umeshwari, for me or for us both. But I am happy; at least you are mortal like us!
Shantnu Angelee, I am an ordinary man, with ordinary man’s worries, sorrows and happiness. There is absolutely nothing extraordinary about me. The only thing that keeps me away from others is my utterly dull mind and its ignorance.
While you were loving your man, your agony for me touched my dry heart and produced in it, jewels of love. All of a sudden, I realized how lucky and fortunate I am, that there was a woman, a beautiful at that, who loved me, and could cry for me! And she had nothing to take from me. I was really touched.
 
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