Quest In Reality

little-self

little-self
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Shantnu The levels of supreme intelligence, supra consciousness, and the Reality.
Angelee And what is that Reality?
Shantnu Us, my sweet sister…
Before he could complete his sentence, Angelee rushed out of the cottage and came back, in a few minutes. All stared at her. She had come back fully attired in a local (hilly) dress. Her two long plaits of hair were falling from each side of her slender neck and were touching her knees.
She came straight to Shantnu and touched his feet with both hands and sat there. Shantnu immediately got up and entered his room. Within moments he came out, fully clothed and touched the head of Angelee and blessed her with tender hands. She stood up and magnetically threw the balance of her light body at the vast expanse of his chest. He extended his one arm around her and kissed her head. It was a scene of pure love, vibrating from the hearts of a brother and a sister, who had united in a unit of eternal love. Four misty eyes, were beholding this enactment of mutual affection.

The assembly of four, paired out to the lawns outside and sat relaxed in chairs, in a manners, that Angelee and Shantnu faced each other.
Gopi If you are conscious about our nakedness, should we also dress up?
Angelee It is my regard for my master that I covered up my nudity. Not that it mattered, for my love for you, is my shield, which no other man can pierce through. But to a Master, one must go with naked mind but with covered ‘self’ because whereas the master mends the infirmities of the mind, it is the duty of the self to mend its fences itself, as the master, cleans the minds not the unclean bodies, I have simply covered the blemishes of my body, whereas my mind is completely surrendered and that too in its original state of nudity. You know before spring all the threes shed off their leaves, birds their old plumes and the ponds dry up. But when spring sets in, trees cover themselves up with leaves, ponds fill with fresh water and birds grow colorful new plumes. It is their regard and respect for the new season, that they assume new looks, with beautiful veils of greenery, fresh waters and colors.
Umeshwari How lucky you are! You have attained in a trice what I could not attain even after spending years at the blessed feet of my Master.
Umeshwari and Gopi went to their respective lodges while Shantnu and Angelee watched their vanishing nudity.
Before the walls of his hut could cover his nudity, Gopi was called by Umeshwari to her cottage. As soon as he reached her, she caught hold of his hand and led him inside. Entering her room she opened the windows of the room, facing Shantnu and Angelee who were sitting in the lawn. She was tightly holding Gopi’s neck, with her left hand.
Angelee Has she tripped for all her labors? I pity her.
Shantnu No, Angelee, don’t pity her. She is a mortal human being. She was brought up in a so-called free society. She was bereft of the love of a mother. She had chosen the path of renunciation as a revolt to the society. She sincerely believed in the path of her choice. But it was an emotional decision which she tried all these years, to live up to. Her master could not release her pent up emotions. Considering all these factors, she has done quite well indeed. Her level of consciousness is much deeper and vaster than many a so-called masters of the day. But the only snag in her mental frame up is she never willingly tried to give herself up, voluntarily to a man or to her conscience. She is welled up between the two. Neither could she surrender to a man, nor to her wisdom. But after this night, she will be alright.
Angelee You mean, she will have a go at you also! But why Gopi or you when she had the entire world to play around!
Shantnu Are you jealous?
Angelee Jealous and me! I am rather happy, instead of falling in the dirty hands of others; she will be safe in the loving hands of my husband and my new found master. Love is not selfish, it demands giving and sharing. I do not believe in selfish love. It would be a bondage and not freedom.
 

little-self

little-self
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Shantnu Now about your question; actually what happened yesterday or this morning, was due to her sudden emotional freedom. All of a sudden, under the pressure of her unleashed emotions, her dam of pent up feelings, burst, and she was simply swayed in their fast currents. But unconsciously, she was not ready for it. Her wisdom has not surfaced as yet. She danced naked in the presence of a person, whom she had considered always her younger brother. Though they had been brought up together, but deep down she always considered Gopi, her inferior, subservient to her. Gopi too, could not reconcile to the new environment of Aggarwala family on equal terms. He could never click on their level, even if, his status in their household, was that of a brother and sister, father and son. You just saw, even if Gopi had other ideas, but he was mutely led by Umeshwari and he simply obeyed. Both of them will not be able to accept the new relationship and would have remorseful feelings later.
About why she chose Gopi, not me, is due to the reason she felt ashamed of her behavior in the presence of Gopi. Though both of you took part in the drama, but you had the cover of each other. Your love for each other is the shield, as you say, for any encroachment. But she had no such shield or cover of love. Therefore, when a person bares his/her guards in front of another person and has qualms thereafter they invariably try to establish equanimity with that person/object. If a person harms himself in front of other, he is sure to establish peace with that person. And if the person happens to be of opposite gender, extreme intimacy is the result.
Umeshwari had ashamed herself in front of Gopi and now, she wants to amend the cause of that shame by making Gopi an associate in her guilt---hence both are sharing their quilts. But the opposite would happen. Both shall emerge a little dwarfed, with more guilt attached.
And why she did not chose me, was due to my non attachment to her. Though she is as beautiful as you are, I was not sensually influenced by either of you. I like beauty and I have all praise for it. Persons are not important but the beauty, they permeate, is more important.
She understands this, so she did not prefer me. She was afraid of my rejection.
Angelee And Gopi could not dare to reject her. But she was flaunting herself shamelessly in the window. Why?
Shantnu It was not her affront before us. It was an act of protest, against herself, her conscience, her finer self and finally against her chastity.
They heard the subdued voices of their foot steps; Gopi was going meekly, towards his hut, covering his nakedness, with a wrapped towel, around his torso, both laughed.
They both went inside the cottage and had a hearty lunch of vegetable ‘pranthas’ (stuffed rotis-bread) as neither Gopi nor Umeshwari, responded to their calls for lunch.
While they were having their lunch, Umeshwari had taken her showers at least twice. Smells of a varieties of perfumes was cascading out of her doors. Again and again, she was taking baths. Repeated sounds of flushing and showers were coming from her bathroom, as if she was trying to clean her conscience, not body. The unclean spots on a body are washed easily but the spots of conscience are the irritants ever there, forever.
Angelee did not go to her hut, so they preferred to sit in the verandah, just outside the small dining room.

Angelee Please tell me about conscience.

Shantnu Angelee, out of sport I did not check you. Please don’t call me a master. I am a lost soul, wandering in your sojourn. I am a seeker, a learner, not a master.
Angelee Sorry, I did not mean to hurt you. I really consider you my liberator. I overheard you, many a time, while you both were engrossed in long dialogues. I have learnt much from you. My intentions being sincere I called you my Master, from depth of my heart. Any outer symbols don’t matter, as you have said. So I attach no prefixes on you. You are what you are.
Shantnu The essence of positive tendencies is conscience.
Angelee And what are positive tendencies?
 

little-self

little-self
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Shantnu Every aspect has its inherent qualities of good and bad. Like brightness of a day and darkness of a night. We know, it is because of the position of earth towards the sun resulting in distinction of day or night. But going beyond the sphere of the earth, there exists only brightness. So as long as we are in the grip of our senses, we have the sense of good or bad, but when dawn of knowledge awakens within us, we go beyond the realm of the mind; good and bad aspects lose their bearing. Everything appears in its original (normal) form.
Explaining it in a day to day vocabulary, whatever is done for the benefit of others, without any personal motive attached is good. And that which is done for our selfish motive is bad.
Angelee You were discussing one day about will power, what are its initial levels?
Shantnu These are power of concentration, hypnotism, auto suggestion, telepathy and instinct. All these powers are simultaneously self awakening and self destructive. If used in the search of the self or in the service of others, they are constructive for self realization. But when these are used for causing harm to others, they become self destructive because the user strays from the right path of service/self realization and is drowned in the slush of negative tendencies.
Angelee How are they harmful? It is said, these powers can attract person towards us.
Shantnu Angelee, those powers are so effective that the user can change the very character or the life style of others. Attracting a person is a small try. Even the collective thinking of a class of people can be influenced for the nefarious purposes of the user.
Angelee Then what are the defenses, one should erect before their onslaught?
Shantnu By rooting out the negative tendencies and utilizing only the positive for the benefit of others. By giving, one sheds useless burden of body as well as of the mind. Minimize your desires. That is possible when we confine ourselves to the minimum level. Interact with society and the external world, where absolutely necessary. Associate with persons/objects emitting positive tendencies only. At this stage, one confines mostly to oneself. He becomes self contained. Basing on minimum wants, one develops self-confidence. As when one only gives and does not desire things of others, his needs are merge and he sustains on himself. His confidence in the self develops. Self confidence is the store house of moral values. Thus constant association with the self leads to the development of will power, which is another name for confidence in the sell.
Angelee Now my Master, sorry, I used this word. I want to ascertain the authenticity of what you say. Not that I doubt, but there is a woman’s mind in me, which demands some clarifications from the person whom she regards her savior. I want to know whether you are attracted to me as a man or did it ever occur in your mind to have sex with me or Didi (sister). Please be sincere in your answers as I will attach much significance to them.
Shantnu My fair lady! I am very much attracted to you as a man and as a thinker. You appeal to me as a beautiful but simple woman. Though your charms are par-excellence, sensuality does not ooze out of your body. You have never appeared to me as a sensual, lust fulfilling persons. Only once while we were in the warm waters of the falls, I was momentarily drawn to you. But you might have observed I was not carnally aroused. I have seen your naked charms; you are a celestial beauty of “Kailash” (a holly mountain). You are a synonym of beauty, not just a body of flesh and blood. Beauty is to be rejoiced, extolled and praised, not to be raped and mauled.
With Umeshwari it was different, you know, I have a memory lapse, and when I found myself in the company of different women, all used my body. In a way my body has been the cause of my involvement with the fair sex. To them, I am a handsome, strong man, of immense features. They wanted to indulge and experiment with this body. Since I was in a bad shape of mind, I never could analyze my reactions. While here, I had some respite and I wanted to find out the state of my mind, as to whether I had really enjoyed their lusty behavior or I had merely been used. I checked my neutral reactions with her…
Angelee Without your telling, I know the results. You became a man in your self esteem. But what are you going to do with her, in case she wants to use your body, as others have been doing with you?
 

little-self

little-self
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Shantnu Before replying your question, I will pose you one in return. What are your reactions towards me? I also want to see the state of mind of my would be pupil (and he laughed).
Angelee I was simply enraptured with your immense size of the body. I have never loved you and still don’t but I fear you, respect you. But previously before yesterday, I wanted to touch, and engulf your body. Woman in we craved for your body, but the love in me checked my advances. Ultimately, my love won and your body lost. Yesterday changed everything. The last nail, in the coffin of my lustful craving, was driven today. I got the better of you, which no other woman could claim as her. I got the pure love of a brother, guardian and Master. Object as much as you can, I will call you my Master, my Master, hear oh, world, if it can, I love my master, my brother, my guardian! (she shouted these words to the world at large at the top of her voice). Let the mountains hear, let the winds carry my message, let the flowing waters of river Parvati, cascade with these winds of music to the hearts of barren lands, but my words are spoken and let them carry their essence. Thus for you oh, Man, I have a woman’s heart which loves you, a sister’s affection, a pupil’s regard and the fear of the Master.

In the process, she was drained of energies and her voice became husky. She began to sob uncontrollably. Shantnu got up from his chair and went to her. He lifted her limp body and clasped her to his bosom. Her sobbing subsided with the tender touch of his big hands and her body began to regain it composure in the vast exposure of his warmth. She lifted up her head, which was peacefully crouching on his shoulder, and brought it to the level of his mouth. She advanced her wavering lips, near his closed mouth, but suddenly shook her head and instantly planted a big kiss on his forehead.
Shantnu Angelee, you have achieved a level in a few minutes which Umeshwari could attain in years. Now rush in, take care of Gopi. He needs you. Gopi needs a lot of love and you are amply capable of it.
She come out from his clasp and rushed to her hut, waving and flaying her arms in the air. Joyfully she gushed into her doors, saying farewell to the attained, by the backward movements of her left hand, and ready to amend the present, which was, temporarily, impaired.
Going to Gopi’s bed, she administered him a fraction of the love, she had just received. The poor man needs only this much and he revived happily in the warmth, that she had carried from the inexhaustible source of a lost seeker. While making loving her man, she was weeping for the man, who gave others whatever he had, made others happy and helped in mending their disjointed bodies and minds. But what he got in return? Faithless creatures, not worthy of his pious touch. She was sobbing shamelessly, for the man, who loved all, cared for all, cleansed their blemishes and bore them happily. She was crying for a man, who had lost his past, was utterly lonely, but still was enlightening others with his thinking mind, who excepting his thoughts had no worldly relations?
Gopi tried to console her. He begged of her forgiveness. But the poor fellow did not know, Angelee was not shedding her precious tears for a faithless man, but was trying to reach the fathoms of a heart, whose depths she wanted to enter into and make for herself a niche there. For that was the place, where only love abounds. She knew agonizing pains of a thinker, his loneliness, his zest for life, his joys, his sorrows, his travails coming into the path of his search, were heart rendering. Her body, mind, soul, ached for him and she cried and cried.
Poor fellow did not know, this was not the night of love making, but of soul searching. Aching of body, pains of mind and agony of the intellect chisels a man in the grind mill of wisdom, whereas tears of a pious heart, sobbing of pure mind, melts even the cold hearts.
Washing the blemishes of her body, she carried within her self a spotless heart and a calm mind. She came out of her hut. She was greatly hurt when she saw Shantnu still sitting in his chair, even though nightly stars were twinkling in the sky above. She stood behind him. He seemed oblivious of her presence. Out of compulsive urge, she touched his eyes with her both hands, they were moist. Suddenly, she could not control herself and fell in his lap. He was startled but remained composed. She brought her face, near his ear and whispered sobbingly.
Angelee Tell me frankly, are these precious germs for Umeshwari, for me or for us both. But I am happy; at least you are mortal like us!
Shantnu Angelee, I am an ordinary man, with ordinary man’s worries, sorrows and happiness. There is absolutely nothing extraordinary about me. The only thing that keeps me away from others is my utterly dull mind and its ignorance.
While you were loving your man, your agony for me touched my dry heart and produced in it, jewels of love. All of a sudden, I realized how lucky and fortunate I am, that there was a woman, a beautiful at that, who loved me, and could cry for me! And she had nothing to take from me. I was really touched.
 

little-self

little-self
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Angelee Now tell me when you feel an impasse in the extension of your thought-process or when you are checkmated and there is a stony wall of static state when all that you had achieved appears illusory at the chasm of nihilism, how do you get your inspiration? At that critical juncture who supports you and tends you moral support? Because I know the agonies of a thinker; he is loner. He does not associate with the material world, he has uprooted the images and voices from his mind, and he shuns the shallow company of the so-called intellectuals, masters and saints. He is completely bereft of the external as well as of the internal worlds. Because all are of no avail to him. Nothing that is illusory or temporary attracts his attention. So where from you get your feed of encouragement for thoughts and strength of purpose. I actually pine for you. The moment I saw you, exactly eight days before, I lost my bearings in this world. Some incident, accident or episode might have brought a memory lapse in you, but in may case, it was you alone who has transformed me completely. I am not the Angelee of Gopi anymore but the shadow of your real self.

She composed herself and sat in the chair, apposite Shantnu. Even if it was dark, an occasional glow of meteor in the sky, made her eyes dazzle. Big drops of tears were rolling down her pink cheeks.
Shantnu knew the reason, so he kept quiet and let her lighten her burdens. It was a burden, which one carries alone, sheds alone. At long last, she bent forward by supporting her chin with both hands, her elbows resting on her knees. She spoke listlessly with pains in her voice.
Angelee You promise me one thing. I know you are a giver so you won’t deny me my request.
Shantnu Angelee, you know I cannot do that. Honestly, I can’t do that to any woman except perhaps…
Angelee Why don’t you speak the truth, and that truth is me. Is that correct?
Shantnu Even with you, I can’t do that now.
Angelee But why? Because I am married and the mother of a son or I am soiled, used and hence rejected by the man, I love…?
He cut her short by a resounding slap on her golden cheek. All of a sudden, there was complete silence in the air. Even trees did not stir. After a pause in time, Angelee stirred.
Angelee Bravo, my love. I love you even more. You have just saved my life. When you sent me to my husband’s ministration, I accepted your command, with a heavy heart. Had you not sent me then, I might have jumped in the river and absolved my self of the impending burdens. It dawned on me, I had wasted my years of adolescent was stagnating my middle age too. But when I found the acme of my quest, it was too late. Even otherwise, I felt, I had realized the end aim of my life, what was the purpose of living any more? My vacuum has been fulfilled with gushing torrents of love so why to prolong my agony of separation. Now, you have made me a full woman, who is loved, cared and fully protected by a powerful man, who happens to be a thinker. Be assured I will never leave you. I will follow you to the end of your journey. But I do not want to see you, only knocking at the doors of reality, which is your logical aim, but rather would see you merged in it to become one with it.
Don’t bother about my physical entity. It shall discharge its duties of a faithful wife and a loving mother. But my heart and soul will ever remain with you. I know you love me. I knew even before you did otherwise you would have had me that day I was massaging your body. I knew, it was the vile trick of our madam, but deep down I enjoyed it, loved it.
But now I want you to love her. All the three of us, owe her a lot. She is a good woman and she deserves more than we can provide. Our minor services are nothing as compared to her magnanimous mind and overflowing love that she bears for us all.
Shantnu But she does not need my love. It would be my body that she would demand.
Angelee Then What? Do bodies matter to us anymore? Under the circumstances, I would not have touched my husband’s what to talk of making love with him but at your command, I willingly gave him my body, though the soul it contains belongs to you.
 

little-self

little-self
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Shantnu But my angel, I still cannot do it. With others it was different. My senses were not in my control. My mind, my conscience were drugged, with the heavy dozes of energy. But now I seem to control my mind and my conscience too is awake. Moreover, as you say. I am not a body anymore. I am something more than that. Though my self is attached to you but my conscience is fully merged in you. I also do know; our meeting of love with love will definitely uplift us and mutually benefit us, in the course of our respective journeys, though their ends may again meet at one point.
Angelee I don’t know about you, but my mind has only one image and one voice and that belongs to you. So whatever happens to me I am always with you.
Shantnu Similar is the condition with me. Besides the reflection of Reality, I have only your image and voice.
Angelee Then what matters, if you give in to her. O.K., if that is your stand, give me your mind and conscience as they belong to me and give your body to her. Does that suit you?
Shantnu Some time I wonder if you are not avenging yourself of Umeshwari through…
Like a lightening she rushed to him and slapped his face with a powerful hand. Again, a ball of voice resounded in the valley, but only four pairs of eyes, peeping out of their windows, appeared to behold that ball though their four ears could not hear it rebound.
Shantnu laughed loudly and mouth-fully. He caught her by the waist and kissed her forehead.
Shantnu Now about your previous outburst. But before that a query. You had made me a brother, so why, this sudden change of heart?

Angelee You know, when an Indian girl marries, she leaves being her parents, her brothers, sisters, everything related to her. If she is lucky, her husband gives her different types of love and plays a variety of roles to fill her vacuum. He is supposed to be her father, mother, brother and sister. Every husband has to manifest all of these relations to her newly wedded wife. That home becomes a heaven, otherwise things would go astray and they can never share a happy life. So my dear, for me, you are all of these things, for I see them all in you. For me you are a complete man. And now no more lectures, go and make her a complete woman. She was never loved by a man. She needs a man not a boy.
Without waiting for his reply, they went to the cottage. She got busy in the preparation of diner. Shantnu, entered his room and kept himself locked till dinner was announced.
Shantnu took the tray of food and entered the room of Umeshwari, which happened to be unlocked. She kept her room dark but full of aesthetic smells, instead of the fragrance of perfumes that had been coming out of her room in the morning. He switches on the lights. She was sitting cross-legged in a yogic pose. She was wearing an orange robe and her hair was loose, touching the Persian carpet.
She turned around and faced him smiling. She took the tray and motioned him to sit alongside her, on the carpet floor. Despite his protest she began to feed, alternatively both the mouths, and continued feeding him. Her room was full of the aroma of Indian incense sticks, which though had burnt out, but their benign scents still prevailed.
After the meals, she led him by the hand and brought him to her bed.
 

little-self

little-self
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Umeshwari Now loves me. No talk, no dialogue, we had enough of these. I want you now, so oblige! I know your state of mind. You love Angelee. But at one time, you thought, you loved me. Before me, you had presumed, you loved Kamani. It is not because of some deficiency in your character. Some unknown power has brought a variety of women in your post-memory-lapse time. All of them played their assigned roles according to your requirements and predestined commands. When you were in sensual state, Kamani came into your life, playing a gross (Tamasic=slothful) role. She helped you to the next ladder of mind, and a worldly (Rajasic=passionate) woman that is me came by. Your state at the time was hovering between the mind and intellect. So also was the state of the woman that is me, rolling between objective world and the intellect. Like Kamani, I played my role and brought you to the next step of wisdom. Kamani was the pleasure of your senses; I was the joy of your mind and now Angelee is staring at you at the next gate of wisdom, which opens to the abode of happiness. We, as individuals i.e. Kamani and me, were not important and Angelee too won’t be indispensable as the journey your pursuit leads only to Reality. We were the necessary links---wayward rejuvenating posts---who helped you on your succeeding steps. Now is the turn of Angelee, she too will fade away but your journey will continue. So I do not have any qualms about Angelee, for no woman can hold you for long, much less forever, because your destination is not us, but the Reality.
Your analysis about me is correct except for a few gaps here and there.
Angelee rightly said to leave your mind and conscience with her, because I don’t need them. I need your strong body and do whatever you want but love me now.
Whatever she was, she was a beautiful intelligent woman, whom anybody could love and adore.
Her analyses about him seemed logical. He was definitely controlled by some ‘power’, which was playing with him and making him dance on its strings. But again and again, something checked him and as a last resort, he diverted his mind to Angelee and superimposed her image on Umeshwari. He knew it was his conscience that was nagging him.
Shantnu But you are a virgin! I thought that Gopi…
Umeshwari A fool you were. You are not a complete master of your mind. Some vestige of your imagination are still lurking there. The poor fellow simply could not stand my charms and he could not… be a man, as Angelee commanded you and put the seed of life in me. I want to bear an extension of your love for I love you! I need a living object of your love, by whose presence I could associate with your love and thus could live my life in your remembrance..
That night, Gopi and Angelee, closed their windows tightly because they could not bear to hear the wails of ecstasies coming from her room. Early morning, they heaved a sigh of relief. There was silence in the cottage. No life stirred in the orchard. It seemed as if birds too had left their permanent hearths. Perhaps they too could not stand the lusty echoes, reverberating the cottage, strange sounds shied them away as they were not used to them. The cottage for them was the nest of peace. But last night, its peace was disturbed and they flew in haste, leaving behind their nest and happy environs.



…………
 

little-self

little-self
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Ninth day was the last day for them in their earthly sojourn together and its morning dawned a new life in the orchard. Birds had returned, their musical chirping made the atmosphere pleasing to the hearts, fruitful trees danced in the misty morning. Hilly winds splashed the orchard with fresh aroma of the snowy peaks. Apples hanging in the branches looked healthy and more colorful. Peacocks danced in rhythm and other birds formed a circle around them and rejoiced with them, clapping their feet on the dewy lawns, their beaks emitting musical notes.
Shantnu was startled when he opened his eyes and found Umeshwari sitting by, holding a steaming cup of coffee, her lips tasting the morning dew drops, formed by the congenial atmosphere of the place.
Without saying a word, she went out, silently, towards Angeles’s hut, carrying a small tray. When Angelee opened her doors, she has happily greeted by Umeshwari with a motherly hug and tender kiss on her forehead. Entering their bedroom, she prepared tea for them.
Gopi stood up surprisingly and touched her feet.
Gopi Forgive me Didi (sister), I am ashamed of my behavior.
Umeshwari Forget the bad dream and greet the new morning with smiling hopes. Angelee and you are assuming new roles. From today onwards, whenever I happen to be here, the household duties would be my responsibility…
Angelee You mean you are retiring us!
Umeshwari Yes, I am retiring you both from your present duties. I have also forsaken the life of a sanyasin(renunciate) and I have worn the clothes of a working woman. No more parasitical life for me. You too wasted enough of your life in seclusion. There is a lot of work for all of us to do. It is a life time work and I am depending on you both. Both of you had a top class academic qualifications. Listen attentively, to what I say, and get on the job urgently i.e. from tomorrow itself. Gopi how much land, we presently own here?
Gopi You know, originally it was ten acres, but now, you own a little more than thirty acres…
Umeshwari I don’t own the land, it was yours. But now this land belongs to the little ones of the land. Angelee, effectively by tomorrow, you are the administrator of the “Shantnu Institute Of Higher Learning, Kasail, District Kulu, Himachal Pradesh” India”. When it is fully established you will be its first Chancellor, and it would be privately managed by a trust whose convener shall be Gopi. Gopi can add some more names from the locals. Begin by owning a modern school, on value based self sustaining curriculum. These modalities we shall work out after. Also start a modern centre of clinical diagnosis with medical facilities, with previsions for a medical hospital and college. Simultaneously, start the M.B.A. degree course from the next academic year…
Angelee But Didi, it is big job involving a lot of money and the major hurdle would be from the government side. Shall it allow the establishment of a private University? (durimg early nineties such things were really unimaginable in India. Now things are much better)
Umeshwari Leave that to papa and me. Perhaps, you don’t know my mother had left me quite a fortune, which papa wisely invested in IT business. By now its turnout might have one up hundred folds? Moreover, I can always fleece papa. Tomorrow, I am leaving and may not be back for at least six months. I will manage everything from wherever I am stationed. About that I will let you know. I will mange about the construction and the government side’s works. Educational part is your responsibility. You are a post graduate in business management, use your brains and talents, skillfully, results would be fruitful. Each of you will get twenty thousand rupees as monthly remuneration and it is effective from tomorrow. So rush on the job with God’s speed and leave the fruits of your labor to Him.
Angelee But Didi, what shall we do with that kind of money? ( in those days it was a big amount) It is much more than we require. You know our needs are limited. So far we have not utilized the income coming from the orchard; it is safely deposited in the banks. We live on the income that we get from the lands taken by us on lease.
Umeshwari That is your problem.
Saying this she sat up to go. Angelee and Gopi went to her with quivering bodies. She took them both in her motherly fold, kissed their foreheads and went out as silently, as she had come. But not forgetting to carry the empty cups and the tray.
Angelee rushed after her and standing in front blocked her way. Umeshwari saw tears of pain in Angeles’s eyes.
Angelee Didi, what about you, why don’t you marry?
Gopi You know! I can’t marry. Marriage is out, forever, I am carrying a child of Shantnu. Till it is grown up it will not know the name of her father.
Angelee How do you know it shall be a girl?
Umeshwari I know! But be prepared, I will deliver it in your clinic. So move fast and make the Institute functional before the beginning of the next academic session.
Angelee I will do all that, be assured. I am leaving for Shimla tomorrow and meet my old teachers. They will be of immense help to me. Moreover, I have not seen my son for the last three months.
Umeshwari Then you can accompany us, as Shantnu and I, are leaving tomorrow. Do me a favor, take Shantnu along to Shimla, perhaps he might get back his past…
Angelee But Didi, still you have not answered my question! What about you. You have entrusted me a painful task. Rearing the child as my own, is no problem. I would be happy to serve you in whatever capacity you assign to me. But where shall you be…
Umeshwari I do not know (smiling she sucked the falling tears of Angelee). Be happy, my child.
Angelee could feel the impending pains of Umeshwari by looking keen into her eyes.
Angelee Didi you have taken upon your self, a more severe burden than the lighter one of an ascetic. Alas I could share.
She was sobbing loudly. Her hiccups were louder than the chirping of birds, which was dinned by the over powering gloom of emotions.
Umeshwari held her tightly and left
 

little-self

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Whole day Umeshwari kept herself busy in assessing her business. She always carried a laptop which always contained the latest details about her business activates. Since the day she had worn the robes of an ascetic, her father, kept her posted (via her laptop), meticulously about her business affairs!
In between she took breakfast and the dinner. She did not allow Angelee to wash her plates even. Gopi had gone to the orchard. Plucking season was on. He was busy during the whole day in the plucking and packing of apples. Kitchen for the labor had been set up at the back of the orchard so that there be no disturbance in the cottage area.
Shantnu and Angelee were lousing under the sun, in the spacious lawns of the cottage. Umeshwari was sitting a little away busy in her affairs.
Angelee What is the difference between an ascetic and a worldly person? By worldly person, I mean, who is engaged in the purposeful activities i.e. service unto others.
Shantnu An ascetic carries no burden, either of the external or world of the mind. His mind is free of the images and voices, and is in pure state of consciousness which abounds in itself.
Angelee Is he not affected by the past/present actions (karma)?
Shantnu He is free of the consciousness of the action. His is engaged in action but remain, unattached, so it does not reflect or resound in his conscious. His conscious is free of past or future and is ever engaged in present, which is not an activity, but the ultimate goal---consciousness of ‘Reality’. In contrast the worldly person carries the burden of his action in the form of reaction, reflection and resound, even though it is selfless service, because his action accrues its fruits, and the fruits are governed by these three qualities of nature.
Angelee Then why a person renounces the society and plays a negative role of non-activity and spends his life in self-rumination. Thus he is no good to the society.
Shantnu Angelee, we shall talk of the karma (action) aspect, some other time. We are not ready for it as yet.
Angelee By ‘we’ you mean Umeshwari and I.
Shantnu No, myself also included. My thinking process is very slow. I cannot at any given time over-step and talk about the upper level of consciousness without, again, going through the lower levels which I had traversed earlier. Every time, I have to wade through the same levels to progress up to my already attained intellectual heights i.e. each time I have to start from the zero (gross-mind) and reach up my last step of the ladder, step by step.
Umeshwari You are right. That is the way of a thinker. You are not a computer, in which you could select from stored data any relevant portion at any time. A thinker, like a computer, does not use the available faculties of the mind, for he has uprooted all of them one by one. Therefore, every time, he has to use intellect and tackle (discriminate) each problem afresh. That is why his thinking is always fresh and original.
Angelee What is present conscious(-ness) and does it has its duplicate in the external world also? As you had explained earlier anything that exists in mind, has its duplicate in the outer world. By outer world, I mean the material world (gross atmosphere), not the Nature .
Shantnu Yes, my dear girl, it is very much there in the form of literature.
Angelee Then, first tell me what is literature? Because the literature I have read so far, has no gems of intellect, which are coming out of your mouth. But before that a query, relating to fresh and original ‘thoughts’ as told by Didi. If the thoughts of a thinker, are fresh and original, it implies he is changing his stance every time.
Shantnu Truth or Reality never undergoes through any change. But the level of conscious (intelligence) does change with the extension of his thoughts as he is progressively reacting to new levels. Even if he, freshly, attempts the reached levels, there is only a variation of the means not the content.
Now we talk about literature: since the creation, man has evolved through many a changes. He has transformed himself from jungle man to machine man. The changes he underwent were actually the practical shapes he gave to himself, his surroundings and the society at large. These changes were acme of his thought content. The eras, during which, he underwent such changes, were known by the distinct traits his thought content displayed. There was Stone Age, because man lived in the mountains and used stone implements, then came the fire age. Man had invented fire. Next came the Iron Age, man had invented the usage of the iron ore and he made his implements of iron. By then he had also moved out of the caves and lived in huts. From thereon, eras are known not as, so and so age, but as such and such civilization. Since then there have been countless civilizations. During each civilization man had made slow but perceptible improvisation in his material progress, general living, martial-arts, art, music, language, communications etc. above all, in his intellectual growth; he became more perceptive, more inquisitive ad more imaginative. During whichever times these three flourished, finer aspects of life dominated the society, as a whole. Those finer aspects of life dominated the society, as a whole. Those finer aspects, which surfaced during that era, were truly, the representative thinking of the time, whose gist, created geniuses in each civilization. These geniuses were the creation of the collective thinking of the period. Thus these geniuses reflected total sum up of intelligence of that era. The creations of those chosen few are the works, known as literature. Those works relate to those aspects, which were predominating during that civilization. Those works did not represent one or two generations but covered the entire era, till their influence lasted. Their works of collective intelligence were the links and light posts, which inter linked with, and fostered the next civilization. In nut-shell, the collective scholarship, intelligence and wisdom of gone by era was the fostering point of next. And vital links were those geniuses who reflected the ‘thought’ of the time. That thought has been carried to us, through art, music, word of mouth, books and other medias. This rich inheritance is the legacy on which we are fostering our castle of intelligence. And this is our present intelligence, literature or thought.
Angelee It is a big one, who will digest it.
 

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Shantnu Our age has produced many a genius in science and fine arts and their works are a yardstick for us to progress onward. They are beckoning posts, on whose creations (inventions/discoveries) future civilizations will live on.
Angelee Shantnu, Oh! Forgive me…
Shantnu Trust, knowledge and quest are joint ventures and such combination represents equality in purpose. Unless each of us is a partner, fulfillment of purpose cannot be achieved. Calling first name is an indication of intimacy that flourishes the partnership whereby each member by merging its identity becomes whole not a partner.

Umeshwari Angelee, by calling him a partner, a lover, seeker or an equal, we are deceiving ourselves. He is none else but a Master in the making.
Angelee To me, he is my Master. Nothing else.
Uttering these words, she sat at his feet and rested her head on his folded knees. Umeshwari also came by and sat likewise on the other side.
It was a real picture of a teacher and his disciples but it was another matter, the disciples were the true representation of beauty, which does not belong either to an era or civilization. It permeates the times, hence everlasting.
Umeshwari with one hand, was caressing the silky hair of Angelee, and massaging Shantung’s bare feet with the other.
The threesome did not look apart. They were the projection of one scene but defined in three different forms.
Shantnu felt wetness on his thigh and looking down he saw Angelee weeping again. Before he could give her solace, Umeshwari spoke:
Umeshwari Let her be, she is your true devotee. I could not cry for my Master, that is why I failed in realizing you both. Angeles’s devotion is impeccable and pure. Be kind to her, because she is not like me. I could survive on your memories but she worships you, the you, which is the composition of your multi-personality. She needs more of your physical presence than your memories. I am a split person, representing Rajasic(passion)tendencies but she is the child of wisdom, connoting purest love aspect. I am a non-dual whereas she is a dualistic. She has attained you faster than me. So don’t waver between us two, accept the fact of her love. I have played my part, now she is your anchor. Finish your remaining journey with her. This is a parting advice and farewell gift. Adieu for now.
After dinner all of them, except Gopi, went their different ways to prepare for the next morning’s journeys.
At nine O’clock, Angelee, seeing rays of light reaping through Shantung’s doors, brought him a bed time cup of coffee. Gopi was coyly following her. Shantnu relaxing on the bed, his left arm covering his eyes. Sensing their presence he got up, took the cup from her and began to sip while inhaling its fresh aroma.
Shantnu What the young couple is doing at this hour of the night?
Angelee As you are leaving tomorrow, Gopi wants a satisfactory answer to his query.
Shantnu And what is that query, Gopi?
Gopi Angelee and Didi, are looking extremely happy. What is it that made them so happy? Is it because of their attachment to you or due to some inner changes. I know Angelee loves me but at the time she has developed intense feelings of love for you too. What is all this about? I want to know the very basis of relationship?
Shantnu Your inquiry is genuine and I also know it is not based on suspicion. Umeshwari and Angelee are not in love with me. They are in love with themselves. Both of them have found the love, so far dormant in them. They are not attached to me, rather they have detached themselves from their senses and found the basis of joy from within. They have realized that the joy they sought from sense objects, was in fact embodied in themselves only. Both of them are released from the sensual worldand are merged in the joys within.
 

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Gopi That means, they have completely renounced the world:
Shantnu No. They have found the limits of their senses. Now they are the master of their senses not the vice versa. They would not renounce the world. Rather they would live in the world with more zeal and enthusiasm. They have learnt the proper usage of their senses by knowing the source of pleasure, which they had falsely presumed was coming from the sense objects, was actually within themselves.
About the relationship; it is an illusion of attachment but when one realizes the basis of attachment, one is freed from their shackles and prefers to remain within and enjoy the joy than entangling with the sense objects, which seemingly give momentary pleasures and fade away.
Gopi How is that, please elaborate.
Shantnu We have gone over this topic already and there is no time to take it up again. Anyway, we shall touch it briefly, you know Gopi, and this world is made up of only five elements. Whatever was created or being created or shall be created in future, these five elements are their compositions. And these elements are subject to change. Even human beings go through complete over haul once in seven years. So these changing elements along with their creations cannot give us everlasting joy or happiness, because these are themselves subject to change. When we come to know the source of joy, is not in the changing world but within ourselves, the direction of mind also changes in ward. Once it (mind) finds the source within, it withdraws from the external world and remains ever happy within itself. But it does not mean it completely snaps its ties with the subjective world. It discharges its worldly duties but remains unattached and uninvolved.
Gopi Does it also indicate the person snaps the marital obligations?
Shantnu No. Such persons discharge their worldly duties very diligently but in proper form.
You had also asked about their attachment with me. Gopi, do you find me a physical entity? Nay, my boy, I am neither the body, nor the mind. I am an entity whose body and mind are entirely engrossed towards a purpose whose aims are not directed towards sensual fulfillment, but the very basis behind them. For me, the physical world does exist not for self-indulgence but as an entity, whose creational process lies within us but not in the five elements. This entity is a part of the vast panorama, whose beauty is beyond description, whose source is unknown, whose effulgence, is all encompassing. This entity is not satisfied by being its part only. It wants to expand to its fullest grandeur and become the panorama in itself not its part.
So about me, forget it, as I have forgotten about it. Because its life force is not in its body or limbs but somewhere else, where anything relating to external world does not touch it.
Gopi forgive me, but I want talking about worldly relations.
Shantnu You know, worldly relations are entirely based on attachment on account of blood/physical/mental interaction. But all of these relations are superficial because blood relations give sorrow, physical relations keep us apart and mind’s relations are also absolutely temporary. Only aesthetic relations unite.
With that he said good night to both of them and bolted the door from inside.



…….
 

little-self

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Steering, Shantnu was sitting with her in the front seat, while Angelee was, willfully, composing herself in the back seat of the car. All of them were driving in silence. The faces of Umeshwari and Angelee were glowing by thinking of their future plans. Both of them had changed during the past nine days, Shantnu was with them. Both had found a new meaning in their lives, which Angelee expressed in simple worlds.
Angelee Sir, I cannot call you the master, nor I can call you by name, then how should I address you?
Shantnu Forms, names are transitory, a temporary identity, a body assumes as I have assumed a new identity, superimposed on the past one, about which I am unaware. Umeshwari gave it the name of Shantnu, you, too can impose any name you like.
Angelee If name does not matter to you that much, I will call you, master, the teacher, who has awakened in me my latent energies. I would love to call you my Master, I bow before your humility and shall address you master.
Now my humble submission before the master, would he tell us about his future plans? You have given us a purpose in life. Both Didi and I, are brimming with future plans. It was due to your ‘lecturers’ that our thoughts process took a meaningful direction. Otherwise, Didi had renounced the world and living a life of a sanyasin. I too was engrossed in the maintenance of my husband and the orchards. You have enlivened our lives, by bringing Didi out of her negative living, as she for all intents and purposes, had spurned the worldly life without contributing anything worth while to the society, in witch she was born. I too had snapped my worldly ties and preferred a secondary role, whereas I should have utilized my abilities in the right channels.
Umeshwari Angelee is right. I have wasted my past ten years, under the tutelage of my master. I wonder now why he did not encourage me to utilize my money, time and talents, in the service of the society. There is so much poverty, illiteracy, lack of medical facilities and means of life, that I simply closed my eyes to my surroundings. All of a sudden, I realized and became aware of the people around me. I had so much and people around me lacked so much! You know, my Master’s one month’s stay at the hotel has cost me five millions rupees, so far. With this money I could have established a school, college and a small hospital in this area. I am really ashamed of my excessive means and wasteful living. What actually irks me most is as to how I was so unconcerned whereas there was so much to do? With little effort I could have improved the living standard of my people.
Your nine day’s stay with us, has been helpful in finding new perspective and a better understanding of ourselves. Your lectures, as Angelee has said, have awakened our latent consciousness and broadened its sphere.
You have given us, what we needed, but what about you! With your help, we have found a happy hearth, a future full of new aspirations but you are leaving us, as lonely a person as you were when I first found you. It is rightly said, a thinker’s life is lonely.
Shantnu Umeshwari you underestimate your contribution to me. When I met you, I was lost man. Now I have a better understanding of me. With your help, I have been able to surmount the influences of my senses not that these were bad or useless. They have to discharge their rightful functions, should not be impediments to our advancement towards Reality. Their subtle influence also have a state (field), through which we have to pass. We must enjoy them, but not at the cost of our aim. We should seek the latent glow of pleasure and in its shine find out the dormant glow of the mind.
With you, I have been able to elevate from my pleasure state of the senses, to the state of mind’s consciousness. I am, now, leaving you, with my mind completely immersed in joy, and inspired to look forward. I am happy to observe the same kind of glow on your faces.
Always look forward and seek new realms. Never be satisfied with your achievements, as there are still many more realms beckoning you yonder. Reaping the fruits of your achievements and feeling satisfied connotes further blockade of your progress. Whatever is done is past. Never look back, past is stagnant, non-productive; it is the present that makes a beautiful future. So always make your present worthwhile, productive and progressive. In it lie the future fruits. Make your present a lovable thing, future would, automatically become lovable. Time is not an entity but a perspective of your aspirations. Give them a shape; these will create a niche in the domain of nature, which in due course would find their dimensions, in the scheme of nature, which is called as time. Truth, factuality and reliability are the qualities of nature, which we assume as time.
Reality subsumes them all. Seek reality and reality abounds in present. And that present is, you. So find yourself, but not by negating your present-self but by fully utilizing it and out of these travails you will find yourself.
Angelee You are too much sometimes, not easily digestible.
 

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Shantnu Angelee, if you are clear about yourself, there is nothing complex about Reality. Reality is not something hidden in the far off galaxies. It is here in us. Only we have to seek it out.
Angelee To know it, do we have to forsake the secular world?
Shantnu Not at all. Knowledge of the secular world prompts our inner knowledge and with the help of the inner knowledge we come to know it better. Each is interdependent on the other. Rather, each exists in the other; knowing the one, we know the other. One unto itself is not complete. Each completes the other.



Go into the world with new vigor and energies. Tackle your new jobs, with the sincerity of purpose, honesty of thoughts, you will, definitely reap the fruit of your labor, but share them, don’t keep them only to yourself. Like joy, fruits are for all to share. In sharing are hidden the fruits of joys.
Angelee Oh! Didi, we have reached so soon. We are almost there.
Umeshwari Angelee, we are here not almost there. We have found ourselves. Past is gone. So why to look back.
Shantnu Umesh. I want to marry you.
Umeshwari But why? Do you really believe in it?
Shantnu We have to live within the rules of society.
Umeshwari I honor your sentiments. But I happen to know you. Such type of rituals and customs, have no relevance in your mental set up. Moreover, I don’t want to bind you in the worldly ties. I don’t want to come in your way. You have still to find out your lost self. Be on your way, if I ever want it I will put the noose around your neck. But not now. Happy you go, don’t look backward. If, past ever beckons you, I shall be there in your future but not in the past which is dead.
There were big tears in Angeles’s eyes. Umeshwari had looked through the shaky mirror of the jeep.
They reached the hotel at nine. Though, it was late morning; there was complete silence in the corridors. Because except for the master or few of his disciples, other followers, the elite of the society, were mostly film actors/actresses, super pop stars, models and strayed neo-rich youths, a western product of the electronic age. This motley crowd, completely bereft of the finer values of life was roaming the world, in search of peace. They possessed beauty of body, wealth and highly charged energies and had reached the optimum level-in their chosen fields. Beyond that, they stared at dead ends. Finding no way further, their charged energies began to consume them. As all of them were used to competitive life, and had reached their acme by sheer doggedness of purpose, now felt incapable to stretch any further and their brimming energies were dammed. In the realization of their ambitions they had acquired a fiery impetus, which, now was stalled but its drive constantly impelled them and their live swayed. They sought the release of their blocked energies but there was no way out. They were not a motley crowed but were the cream of their professions highly ambitious, competitive, possessive and used to a fife style, which breeds arrogance, pride , jealously, hatred and sky high ego. They were a merciless lot as in achieving their aims, they had destroyed the lives of their competitors. In making themselves they had unmade others.
They were the super stars, the celebrities, whose images had made soft niches in the hearts of their fans. Ordinary folks, simply, worshiped them, their sensational exposure, enthralled the barren lives of love torn hearts. They were not only the masters of their professions but the masters of the hearts of their fans.
But in real life, their sizes were lesser than those of the ordinary mortals, they were the real midgets. As their sizes were many times, lesser than the images they had projected in the external world. They existed only in their images and inflated personalities. And to so keep up to these images, they constantly endeavored to devour others, who came in their way. Continuous strain imbalanced their lives, and invariably they yielded under its stress and became drunkard, drug addicts and what not. In the achievement of their ambitions, they had destroyed themselves, as they lived in fantasies, and drifted away from themselves. They had built colossal identities on the sandy foundations of images but their inner identities vanished.
Now in the search of their vanished identities, they sought help, again from the external world and took shelter in the mansions, whose innkeepers, the so called master, the pseudo intellectuals, selling attractive wares, like transcendental mediation (TM), salvation, liberation, peace and wisdom, at very attractive prices. These masters are running a chain of extra modern nurseries providing everything but the promised wares.
Such a master, whose travels or travails, were world famous had established himself in a five star hotel, situated on the Kulu-Manali road. The master, after his recent escapade from the clutches of law, way nursing his body and intellectual wounds, in the five-star-culture environments. He was surrounded by the celestial nymphs and was the cynosure or ‘sore’, in the eyes of the local people.
 

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Shantnu got himself intentionally lost in the hills. For three days and nights, he traversed scores of miles, crossed as many snow covered hills. He was undaunted by their majestic heights and gushing streams. As the heights of the mountains increased, they wore a dissolute look, there was hardly any vegetation left after centuries visitation of snows. Climbing them, with no modern facilities, was tiresome and risky job, but he was unaware of the difficulties and continued his journey which, as last, brought him to a dangerous precipice but he was startled when he looked down.
Down, was a beautiful small valley, encased by heavenly sunshine. It was full of orchards, flowers and greenery and was cascading strange scents not found in the worldly atmosphere. There was a small steam passing exactly in the center of his valley. The enchanting view, engrossed him, in a long ecstasy and he remained still, fixed in himself enjoying the overpowering thrills gushing continuously from beyond the regions of the mind.
When he came to, he found himself in front of small cottage, emitting strange vibrations, as if coming from a generator, embedded deep in the earth.
Everything in the valley looked strange and unique. Its fruit bearing trees, were small but laden with off-season fruits, flowers of all varieties were worn on bushes, as if freshly truncated, entire area was covered with spongy grasses. The waters of the stream were passing by the cottage, silently but majestically. There was hardy any sound though the valley was richly inhibited by the wild animals and birds. All looked accustomed and happy in the surroundings.
Before he could knock, their stood a handsome chap in the doors, giving him a smiling welcome.
Shantnu sir, I am a lost man, and seek refuse.
Stranger I was expecting you, come on we sit outside, it is a beautiful morning.
Shantnu Everything here looks strange. Even the climate is normal, though the valley is surrounded by the snowy hills. Reverent Sir, though you look a teenager, but I know, you are an ancient entity, who has conquered death.
Stranger In fatigue, your sub-conscious has colored the things, hence, everything, though exists normally, looks different to you. Your inner vision influenced by the latent desires, had envisioned such surroundings, so you are looking at the things, as you had imagined.
Shantnu But all my faculties are in good shape and my conscious mind too is untarnished, so my subconscious mind should not give me a colored vision.
Stranger You may imagine so, but it is otherwise. During your childhood, when you were ‘dealing’ with spiritual nuances, you had envisioned this scene, and it was imprinted permanently there. Today, during your ecstatic state, your subconscious-self emerged and presented you the scene you had once envisioned. About my age; neither I am an ancient entity, as you have imagined nor I have conquered death. Age and death are relevant only to the time, when we live in a dimensional world. But when we are away from time and dimensional world, we are out of their charge and their influence does not affect us (body and mind).
Don’t call me Sir; you can address me as Baba as everybody here calls me by this name.
Regarding you, you are not a lost person. Only your conscious has been partially taken away.
Shantnu Taken away, but by whom, and why?
Baba You will come to know about this very soon. But first take your bath in the stream, have good breakfast and rest. Thereafter, we shall talk.
When Shantnu opened his eyes, he realized that he had been sleeping on the soft grass. His room had the flooring of natural grass, which served as bed. The room was absolutely bare except for the inner wall and it had no enclosure. It was open to three sides.
He got up and entered into the next room. It was quite large and might be serving as a sitting room. Except for a small raised platform it too was bare. Behind the platform, which was created naturally by planting trees sideways, had a door, leading to another room, perhaps, Baba’s room. He heard a very sweet voice, speaking very softly. He went outside; saw a gathering of young disciples, listening attentively to Baba’s discourse. Seeing him coming Baba beckoned him to sit by this side but he preferred to sit far behind the group, sitting in two rows. All the heads bore different hair-colors. Like ascetics, their heads were not clean-shaven or bearing long locks, but were dressed in the attires of different countries, they belonged to. Only Baba, was wearing a cloak-like cotton robe. He was speaking in fluent English, before he came and the audience seemed to understand him!
 

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seemed to understand him!
Baba We have a guest here. An interesting incidence happened to him. He had a haggle of supremacy with his ‘intellect’. He was far ahead of his intellect. But the ‘intellect’ did not want to part its association with the man, hence it rebelled and took away, rather subdued, his memory chamber relating ‘him’ personally. Now all his other faculties are sound, except that he has forgotten, his past. During the last two months, he has gone through strange experiences and has been able to rise above them, i.e. to his present conscious-self, to the very door, which will lead him again beyond the intellect. Again, he is face to face with the intellect; let us see what happens next!
Everyone laughed, as each one of them, knew, Baba was taking them all for a ride. For Baba knew what was going to happen. Only Shantnu did not know as yet.
Baba Nitan, you take him to your lodge, when his conscious get awakened to the illuminated mind’s level, bring him back. Till then, you sojourn together.
Nitan Your wish is my command, Baba. But I am ignorant, how shall I be aware of the (attained) levels.
Baba Make joint efforts. I like your humility. If you still want me to tell you, which you already know, then start with the ordinary thinking (gross) mind and stretch its present conscious level and widen it to the upper levels till all that exists, exists no more and all that you see, you could describe no more.
Nitan Baba, is that so secretive or beyond comprehension that its description is difficult?
Baba All that is beautiful and lovely is beyond description. We have the vocabulary to express our thoughts, ideas, but what lies beyond or that which prompt them, is only felt but can’t be deciphered by ordinary sounds.
Nitan Baba, emotions and feelings prompt thoughts and idea, which can easily be expressed in the language we speak hence decipherable with the words.
Baba The limits of your emotions/feelings are so limitless that your limited vocabulary is insufficient to comprehend even a fractional part of it. Anyway try and find that out. That is the only way to know your limits and also a chance for you to extent them and encompass the whole panorama, that will be enticing you, so emotively that it would be foolish, not to comprehended it and merge in it. By merging, you would know its vastness and smallness. It is both ways, limitless. Now be a good boy and take the guest with you. Come when you feel necessary.

Nitan and Shantnu took leave of Baba and proceeded towards downstream. Hardly had they gone some distance that Shantnu saw a hut, which consisted of only one room. It was made of stones and had a proper roof on four walls, with four big windows, opening on all sides. The roof, he noticed was, in fact covered by budding vines and the floor had been plastered with stream-mud. The room gave aesthetic environs and immediately after entering it, they engrossed in inquiry.
Nitan You know why Baba chose me. I will explain. I am a novice here and joined the group only recently. For the last twelve years, I have stayed in a number of Ashrams, Deras, Maths or any other place, which promised ‘God- Realization’. Not one of them came up to my expectations. All of them showed me the different paths but not the mansion of God. At last, I came here, perchance. Every thought, word, deed have concrete meanings. Still I have a lot many webs of doubts to clear. My mind is full of useless data which I am trying to weed out systematically, by the application of logic-intellect, whichever is handy and workable. But my biggest problem is my mind which is full of worldly knowledge, which has impaired my inner advancement. With your help, I will do better. Baba knew you could help me, thus he sent you with me.
Please let us start from the beginning as if we don’t know anything. With mutual help and encouragement, we can extend our thought process. That’s what Baba wants of us. During my stay here, he never held talks about God or Reality, the promised liberation or salvation. It is heavy dose, too heavy a thought for my consumption. Sometimes all seem easy and simple. But again I begin to wonder as if we are wasting our time and will never find the answers, rather the ‘Answer’!
Please bear with my impertinence, as I will be asking you too many questions, often very irrelevant ones, because with you I will be honest and would give vent to my suppressed feelings, doubts, with complete freedom i.e. without any inhibition.
Shantnu I appreciate your approach. Tel me Nitan what is your age?
Nitan I am as old as is our culture and civilization. Firstly I have been a veracious reader and read all the literature available in the libraries, bookshops or scattered on the payment. Secondly, I am the genesis of all the knowledge, intellect and wisdom that is transmitted genetically in the shape of literature, art, music or science: I am product of a rich inheritance and I am fully conscious of this.
Please, we should start on the assumption that we both have stored in us enough of worldly knowledge and now let us try to use only the relevant and weed out the junk. But before that tell me, what should be our aim?
 

little-self

little-self
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Shantnu I am not sure about you, but mine is the Reality.
Nitan Pray, tell me what is Reality?
Shantnu So far I don’t know, though I know its basics.
Nitan What are those?
Shantnu What is of permanent nature is Real and that which is impermanent is unreal?
Nitan But everything is this world is impermanent, so this world too should be unreal.
Shantnu At this stage, it is not unreal but at some other level, we shall call it, unreal or impermanent.
Nitan But why is it not now?
Shantnu Because as of now, we don’t know the very basics of the creative world or of its objects!
Nitan How can we know that?
Shantnu By acquiring wisdom and becoming a wise, a Jnani.
Nitan Who is a Jnani (wise) or what is the difference between wisdom and knowledge.
Shantnu Knowing the properties of an object is knowledge, whereas to know the very basis of those properties is wisdom.
Nitan You want to tell, that the basis of the properties are permanent and the objects which contain them are impermanent.
Shantnu At this stage, we can assume this, as right now, we are assuming the limits of our knowledge are the creative world and its objects. But when we have found that stage, we will tag this world as impermanent. But that is a long way of.
Nitan Is it necessary for us to know all of this? And also, how do we know about the basis of the creative world?
Shantnu It is necessary for those, who want to know. We can know about the basis by first knowing about the creation.
Nitan And how we know about the creation.
Shantnu By knowing about the created!
Nitan That ultimately leads to the Self. Now I understand why Baba constantly refers about the Self?
Shantnu I am trying to know it. But the process is long and tiring. You know, there is so much literature available on this subject. Its each branch tells us different ways to know it. Not two are similar. An earnest inquirer is baffled when he is faced with so many paths. He is virtually rattled. But ultimately he makes his own trail and reaches the top. Try as much we may to follow one particular path, but growing through different environs of inheritor or local influences; one is forced to create one’s own individual trail. At the most we can take guidance from those personages who had traversed the path earlier, or we can follow a distinct philosophy.
But being an individual and separate entity, we can not be a carbon copy of others, so, each one creates his own individual philosophy, the way he understands and makes his own trail. It is like reaching a hill top and en-route there are no visible trails or foot prints left by the earlier pathfinders, so what one does; he makes his own way to the top. Though he may traverse the same path, but all the same he made a fresh trail, as there were no legitimate symbols (footprints) left behind by the previous voyagers. It is highly individualistic journey and each one is on its own.

Nitan It is all very confusing.
Shantnu It is not confusing only there is confusion in our thinking minds.
Nitan Then there are other minds too.
Shantnu There is only one mind. But the data stored in it express in six different ways, which are called its conscious levels.
Nitan Please tell me about them.
Shantnu As I have already told, there is only one mind but there are twenty four principles, on which is based the impermanent phenomenon of body, mind and senses. As we may go through the experiences of these principles, the mental growth is registered that way, and the resultant expression of knowledge is graded accordingly in different aspects, which varies from person to person. Though we may go through the same experience but each person reflects differently to the application of these principles. Not two people’s reactions are similar, because these principles create different levels of conscious according to the capability of the awakened knowledge (mind) of each person. These principles are:
5 Sense organs – ear, skin, eye tongue and nose
5 Subtle senses – sound, touch, sight, taste, smell
5 Vital energies I) food (physical body)
ii) Life-breath (physical energy)
iii) Mind (subtle body of lower mind)
iv) Higher mind-intuition
v) Bliss
5 Sheaths – I) breathing
ii) Elimination
iii) Circulation
iv) Digestion
v) Upward flow, which energies the higher centers.
4 Aspects of mind I) lower mind (thinking mind)
ii) Intuition intellect and faculty of discrimination/discernment.
iii) Personal self/ego
iv) Seat of feeling or recollection
 

little-self

little-self
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These twenty four principles are the agencies, through which all our experiences come and become the basis of our reactions, reflections. These agencies further segregate our mind in six levels or conscious which are:
I) Ordinary mind ii) super mind iii) the higher mind IV) the illuminated mind v) intuition VI) the over-mind
These six levels of the mind are in fact the quality wise storage (in memory) of the impressions of the impermanent world, experienced through the medium of twenty-four agencies.
As the level of our conscious (knowledge) increases we achieve the upper levels of the mind, till finally we merge in bliss and from there we really start our journey.
Nitan But I had thought, bliss was our journey’s end?
Shantnu There is a vital difference between the ultimate bliss that comes after the realization of the last level of the mind and the Reality. The culmination of bliss, as the result of creative world’s realization is but the reflection of Reality.
Nitan Brother Shantnu, what is the best and the simplest way to realize Reality?
Shantnu Inquiry. It is the power of inquiry that unravels the fathoms of wisdom by weeding out the junk out of the mind (memory) and substituting it, with good quality material that promotes its sphere.
Nitan Can we do this, by sitting here.
Shantnu No. While living in the objective world, we have to engage in its activities. Disengaging and living in seclusion is negation of the natural flow of life. Even then there is no chance of escape from activity. Wherever we may go or whatever type of life we may engage in activity does not leave us.
Even parasites, have to perform a minimum amount of activity, necessary for living. The very nature of life-principle is activity as creation of self, was because of activity.
Nitan Then we are a lazy lot and wasting our lives?
Shantnu Neither you are a lazy lot nor a parasite. As I can discern, all of you are highly qualified and professionally well placed persons in life. You are all on vocation and instead of wasting your time on some hill stations; you are engaged in the search of self. Here too you have put yourselves to a very vigorous routine, which is not, at all, wasteful and unproductive. Rather your engagement with solitude here, would bring more efficiency, productivity, in your chosen fields, because when you go back, you would be more sensitive to your surroundings, as you would have acquired a wider vision, the result of your more active but concise consciousness.
Nitan I get your point. Our first conscious effort in life is activity. Not only that, it is the cause of creation. It is understood, activity was the cause of creation and life. But what is its cause?
Shantnu Non-activity.
Nitan How is that? Causeless state can’t be the cause.
Shantnu Before delving into the creational process of the Universe, let us have a look at the nature around us. Out of frozen mountains, mighty rivers are born. Still oceans produce devastating storms, tornadoes and cyclones. High velocity winds, hailstorms, originate from the space. Behind the cause of activity in the frozen mountains, oceans and space are the five elements which are never stable. They are a cause of creation of stillness and activity. The seemingly stillness of the oceans, and space, is an illusion of our ignorance, as nothing in the creative Nature, is still. Entire cosmos are on move, because the elements, those created them, are moving, the particles, which created the elements, are also moving. The moving particles, elements and their creation, the objective world as the result of their (particles) permutation, are thus ever engaged in activity. Activity creates energy. Its (activity) other name is energy. And when it has gone through endless cycles of evolution, having consumed its energies, it reverses back and assumes its original state of non-activity. But when it activates it release energies at a colossal scale and a big-bang ensues. A new cycle of evolution starts and universes take shape all over again.

Nitan Whatever way creation came into being, it all started from activity and its nature of duplication.
Shantnu Yes. Entire cosmos are engaged in constant activity, though they emerged out from the un-moving space-shield of stationary particles. Same way, the same activity is imbibed in human beings, via moving spermatozoa.
But there is a difference between the activity of nature and man. Nature’s activity is selfless whereas that of a man is always selfish. Nature engages in activity for its furtherance and for the good of its creation. But the man is always engaged in furthering his interests only. Nature’s fruits are for all to share whereas man hoards them.
Nitan Why the man, the creation of Nature, has become selfish?
 

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little-self
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Shantnu Whereas Nature is conscious of its role of completing its evolutionary process, man ventured out of its stream and has limited and degraded his role to the individual level only. Instead of remaining a part of the Grand design, he has singled out his entity. He has put on himself a false illusion of mortality and assumes his present life-span as final. He is, thus engaged in activities, which are related to his present life. Looking at him, as an entity, whose years are numbered on earth, he tries to grab as much in this life as possible, forgetting all the while, he is the child of nature and nature always expands and shares and is eternal.
Nitan what is the best way to, properly, discharge one’s activities?
Shantnu An old advice; learn from the tree, river and the cow. We may maltreat a tree, but still it offers its fruits to the tormentors; whatever filth we may throw in the river, still it offers water for drinking and irrigation. We are, daily butchering cows but all the same they give their milk for our nourishment berifting their own calves of the milk.
We must take a lesson from Nature and work for the benefit of others. If others do likewise, our lot too will become fruitful.
Nitan But why should we work for the benefit of others and depend on others for own benefit?
Shantnu By working for others, I mean, we should take from nature, what is absolutely necessary for us. We must also work for our prosperity, but not at the cost of others. It does not mean that we should not be ambitious. It is a free society. Everybody has a right to work, to prosper and be wealthy. But wealth should by recycled not hoarded and kept like junk. But while becoming wealthy, we should not starve others just to fill our coffers.
Nitan Please explain concisely, what is a good deed?
Shantnu Whenever an activity is discharged it becomes a deed, an action. Any action discharged naturally, is neither good nor bad. Nature’s elements are wrecking havoc; we cannot call them bad acts. It is a part of their nature. At the same time, they are providing life giving benefits – air, water, fire, all provide us life as well as destruction. But it is in their nature. Same-way actions induced by the senses can, both be good and bad. Passions discharged for the continuation of Nature, regeneration of life and creation of music and art etc. are called good actions, whereas harming, killing of innocent, molesting women, faking of art and degenerating the music, are bad activities. Often acts discharged for the benefit of others can be disastrous.
Nitan Then how to distinguish between the good and the bad?
Shantnu We must have our motives clear. Even if an act is discharged for our good, it should not produce bad effects for others.
There are three kinds of activities-
i.Performed for the selfish motives:
ii.Performed with no motive.
iii.And those performed for the benefit of others.
Nitan Then it is the motive that decides the quality of an action.
Shantnu To some extent: as motive can be selfish, neutral and with a purpose of service.
Nitan But without the tinge of a motive, we shall become machines.
Shantnu We are no better than machines, if we are not creative. From nature, we imbibe the qualities of creativity and expansions. Like nature, we must create, and expand not only our wares and quality of life but the mental horizons as well.
The best way to achieve the acme of our actions is to start by being selfish and amass sufficient wealth. This approach has two benefits. We acquire sufficient means and also become used to work. Then become a machine and work like it. Remain busy during the scheduled time. Work without any motive attached. Be neutral and impartial. Be motiveless like a machine. Utilize your optimum ability and discharge. When we have achieved this level of efficiency, we should then put motive in the machine (mind). At this stage we don’t require anything material for us, so we can add doses of love, compassion, affection, into our jobs and work for the benefit of society. Since every job or business has its discipline and codes of conduct, we can afford to follow them now and work within their limits. It is now our turn to make our job, both meaningful and fruitful. For job satisfaction, we must work a little extra, put a little extra effort, with honesty of purpose and earnestness.

Nitan But I still don’t understand why we should work for others.
 

little-self

little-self
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Shantnu We are not independent entities; we are the creations of Nature. That is, some source, outside agency created us, made us and hence, we are ever engaged in the activities of the external world. Whatever we do, produce, create or hoard, it relates to the external world. Therefore, our activities are external based. Our mind also roams in the outer world, adds in its objects. Naturally, whatever we do or shall do would be visible and their results too shall be conspicuous. Then we should be honest with ourselves and work for the external world. We should not now, all of sudden, withdraw inward and work for the fulfillment of the inner-self. Therefore, we had been working in and for the external world but all too suddenly, we become limited and narrow our approach, divert from outside to inside.
An activity is never selfish, limited or narrow. It is our motive, prompted by the false-self that has diverted it from its natural habit of discharging itself without any motive. A motiveless action is always for the benefit of others. Any action performed naturally is always an improvement in the scheme of evolution.
Nitan Why would our actions, performed in the external word, as you say, always be good and beneficial for others?
Shantnu Laws of nature, land and society, customs, conventions, ethics and moral codes, there is hardly any chance for a law-abiding and conscientious man to go astray and work independent of those bonds. Since childhood, we are reared in a society, whose cultural inheritance, seeped in our blood, restrains us from deviation.
Natural laws and society’s bonds are the disciplines on which they flourish.
Nitan Then why do we rebel against these disciplines and become slaves of our senses?
Shantnu Senses never make us slaves, nor do they lead a man astray.
Nitan But we have been taught, all-along, that senses imprison and force us do things, which we, normally would not do.
Shantnu After all, Nitan, why do we engage in action and for whom? This much we have known, action is in our nature and however we may try to escape, we cannot live without engaging ourselves in some kind of activity. Even an idle parasite has to quench his hunger. He may not be outwardly engaged but his mind, ever, remains busy. Ostensibly, he may not be creating anything but inwardly, his imagination is creating wonderful worlds and he is joyously living in them.
Now the basic question arises, for whose satisfaction are our action performed? For others or for ourselves! Other means society/nation. And ‘our’ is a vast terminology. It includes our relatives, friends, subordinates and the different levels of selves.
Nitan Except for the different levels of selves, all else includes in others, can also fall in the category of ‘our’. As the hegemonies of powerful people cover vast areas or influence and moreover, our imagination, stretches too far. A weak person’s imagination and the might of the powerful; using these two powerful tools, the definition of others becomes ‘our’. So the action, we are engaged in, are always for ourselves.
Shantnu But ‘our’ is vast definition. It goes on inflating as the levels of our false-selves magnify. If we perform actions for our satisfaction, then we shall have to know that part of ourselves which gets satisfaction. If I eat food, my tongue takes its taste and its impression is stores in that part (chamber) of my brain cells, which is composed of tastes. But the matter does not stop here. My hunger for better foods increases and I go on trying different dishes whose impressions are being, systematically stored in my brain. But my quest for delicious foods does not end. I am after a supreme dish, which could give me supreme satisfaction.
Take the case of mundane power. No one seems satisfied in the domains, he has created. Not even the control of a nation satisfies a power hungry politician/dictator or a businessman. They still desire to increase their territories of power and business.
Nitan But why aren’t they satisfied if they have acquired sufficient mundane power or wealth? Why they need more?
Shantnu Because activities like Nature is expansive by nature. But whereas Nature always keeps its balance, man wants to go beyond. Moreover, unlike Nature, which is sustaining on a principle, man is creating new systems. His journey is not set on principles but on changing ‘values’. He goes on changing his values and as a result, his journey is directionless. Simultaneously he is moving in all directions. It is not bad to have a wide-ranging mind. But that wide-range should have a system, a direction. If his aim is the supremacy of Nature, he has every right to master it but not at the cost of destroying it and his fellow beings.
Nitan Why is he doing it?
 

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little-self
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Shantnu He has attached motives of good and bad to his actions. In the garb of doing good, he takes upon himself the authority of conscience of all others. He discharges what he thinks is best for others, while all the time it is his selfish motive he is lynching on others. Adhering to this philosophy that we are engaged in activities, which are good for others, we have attached a motive and that is our undoing. Whatever basic essentials, Nature provides us are free and for all. The chosen few (have-all) are the custodians and they should act likewise. Their genius, abilities are the outcome of the collective intelligence, and they should act and discharge in that manner. Being the trustees of the collective mind, they should create, produce and make available the fruits not only to their fellow citizens but to the human fraternity at large, which are the rightful heir and co-trustees. Otherwise, the evolutionary process of life on earth would become much longer and painful.
Nitan How so?
Shantnu Expansion of activity means, expansion of mind and expansion of mind involves expansion of desire. As we go on expanding our desires, capacity of our store house with unfulfilled desires, increases. And it is the law of nature, for every activity there is a reaction. Each idea (desire) even in latent form has to be completed to its logical end. That means, desires of each and every living-being, past or present, have to be fulfilled and only then, the evolutionary process would be readying to proceed further.
Nitan You mean the real journey starts at that point.
Shantnu Yes, my dear, just satisfying our desires is not our aim. Eating drinking, amassing wealth, power and money is not the purpose of life.

Nitan Then what is its purpose?
Shantnu Like nature, it (humanity) must attain its optimum level of consciousness.
Nitan The evolution of nature and man, are not one!
Shantnu No. Though life came out of nature, and is sustaining on Nature, but their courses are different. Nature has only two qualities, of existence and awareness (consciousness), whereas man has all the three: existence, awareness and bliss. Coming out of the orbit of his senses, he has the capacity to master nature. When he does that he has reached his acme, and is complete. His journey is the journey of perfection.
Nitan It’s a journey that may take aeons to complete!
Shantnu No, my dear. One can accomplish it, in one’s life-time.
Nitan Please, can you tell me the way?
Shantnu We have to complete two types of journeys before we accomplish our goal of perfection. One is on physical plane, whereas the second is on subtle level. Both seem to co-exist on each other but each is functioning independently, though same current of conscious passes through each of them. Nature exists on its own and completes its journey independently.
Nitan But that is preposterous. No physical entity can exist on its own. It is the conscious in them that sustains them.
Shantnu It is the energy in the form of life-current that sustains the physical world. Conscious is the individual intelligence, which is part of the cosmic-consciousness. Life-current, energy, relate to the creation, whereas individual cosmic consciousness, is the principle behind creation.
Nitan Then like physical evolution, there is conscious evolution too.
Shantnu Yes. Though both are running simultaneously, conscious evolution can be advanced and with that physical process of evolution is also attainable in one life-time.
Nitan You mean, with the perfection of individual conscious, one can advance the physical evolution. Then one should, surely, go in for the immediate evolution of the individual conscious, rather to wait for the physical perfection, which may take aeons to complete. But tell me, if we go by the natural process only, then can physical perfection, alone achieve Reality?
 
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