Quest In Reality

[little-self]

The philosophical journey of the author is very deep. It crosses many destinations and moves on from the gross level to the casual (causeless-Bliss state), which is the ultimate, one searches in life! The vision expands from the sensual level to wisdom state. The expansion is attained though the state of bliss, which is the natural sequence of the perfect extremes of pleasure and joy states. The book is mostly in a running dialogue form, which is always a prerequisite of a quest-full ‘journey’. This form has emerged in a natural fashion from touch of a delicate story which centers round its main character, Shantnu, who is a seeker of Jnana i.e. wisdom. In this journey he is confronted with three ladies in a consecutive order. They are the personification of Tamasic (slothful), Rajasic (passion), and Satwic (truth) qualities. Shantnu also discovers his way with these ladies by direct interaction and in the process ultimately he gains/attains his memory which is the intellect.
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Tamasic journey starts..........................
It was late evening. Shadows of trees had blended with the darkness of the impending night. Sound of creepers was chilled by the occasional howls of jackals. The surroundings had completely been enveloped by the darkness of night but the cascading water of the river was breaking its spell of weirdness.
Suddenly sounds of barking dogs were rapidly approaching the river. A group of nude women, each holding the leash of a dog encircled an object lying, half-submerged in the stream water.
‘Girls stay away; let me see what the trouble is with this gent!
A full-grown woman, her hair cascading to her hips was giving orders to the group. Obviously she was the leader of the group.
‘But Mam, why are you trying to spoil our night bath. Dark nights come after such a pretty long time! Let the ‘bast …d’ enjoy his night cap…’
‘No, you do what I say. The poor man may be dead! You can all go. Have your fun and reach the estate. But don’t pinch your lips.
She watches the group of twelve young girls, all in late teens, disappearing in the dark woods. They were not the only ones in hurry; even dogs were straining their leashes to leave the place,
She patted her favorites dog Sultana, a pure Doberman. They both overturned the man, who was lying on his stomach with his lower body in the water. She felt for his pulse.
Good God, he is alive! Here Sultana, nudge the guy and give me a helping hand, we must carry him home. She started massaging his chest, his numb hands, after she had taken out his heavy body to the riverbank. Ten minutes body heat revived the half-chilled man and he opened his eyes. He tried to speak. His lips moved but no voice came out.
‘Now try to stand on your legs. You are o.k. don’t worry. You are in safe hands. Here give me your hand and try to move. My house is nearby, be a sport and make a try. Bravo, you are my real man. I am sure, you will make it’. All the time she was bucking his spirits. The man was quite lost. He seemed quite oblivious of his surroundings.
Had he been in his senses, he might have come to know the woman on whose slender but strong shoulders, he was putting his hand, the right arm he had woven around her slim waste, was the most beautiful women of her times. Her body charms were a craze in the manly world .She was the most sought after women and there were men, wealthy men, who were ready to squander their fortune in return of her favors.
But she had forsaken their world and settled in the woods. She had built her retreat in a small valley; Forty Kilometers away from Kulu (Himachal Pradesh. India), in the direction of Inner Seraj, she had bought a small valley including the hills surrounding her privacy. No road or a pathway pierced her valley. So, she was living a life of complete isolation. To the outside world she had become a legend in her early twenties.
At nineteen, While still a final year student of M.A. (Philosophy), She was crowned Miss Universe. The glare of her popularity broke her Indian bonds and she became the hottest model of her times. She first posed for Playboy and later became the Revlon model earning 1million pounds a year on contract. She pulled in more than 50000 pounds a year on other assignment. She was the most beautiful model with the body statistics, 5’9” tall and a cool 34”24”35”where it mattered.
She was highly conscious of her beauty and she exploited the charms of her vitals to the maximum limits and extracted the highest price for their exposure. She went to the extremes to out-sex and out-sell other rivals in the trade.
But she had her grey cells too. Being constantly under the blaze of lights, her nude body, though sent thrills into the male bodies, began to give her sleepless nights. She had completely lost her freedom. She was made to wear tailor-made clothes, cosmetics; even the wave of her limbs was controlled by the cameraman. Except during sleep, her entire life was lived on the whims of others. The only property, which earned her a fortune, her body, was handled in merciless manners. She often felt herself an animal on auction. Her pent up feelings mostly found a release in strange beds and she was left with morning hang-ups. She felt nausea on each night out.

 

[little-self]

She had dated with many matinee idols but her excursions with them proved most tasteless and afterward she always felt shallow inside. Before each meeting, she felt dizzy heights but her experience in bed rewarded her bitter longing in her body.
Day and night, she was obsessed with the body. Her trade was her body and to keep up her price, she kept it fit by spending hours in gyms, saloons, water pools and health clubs. Living in its care she had completely been obsessed by it. In her thought, only her body existed. And she amassed a fortune on its account. She got everything out of it except body love. She was ever hungry and was ever in the look out of satisfying its demands.
Thought she had become immune to the hungry looks of her admirers but in the privacy of her bedrooms, she felt lonely and yearned for a powerful hold of her body by the loving hands of a lover.
After five years in the States, she packed up. She might have been unwise in the selection of her lovers but was shrewd in her investments, which paid her rich dividends, at the time her departure to India. She also knew when to quit. As soon as she got whiff that her graph showed downward rating she immediately decided to renounce her flood-lit life and seek the regions of pleasures and she could afford now to choose her lovers, at her own leisure.
She brought the man, still in half-coma state to her home. She laid him in one of her guest rooms. The girls had not as yet returned. She took off his sagging clothes and covered him with blankets and put the heaters on.
After half-an-hour when the girls had been ushered in their rooms, she brought a hot cup of coffee for the man.
She uncovered his nakedness and gasped at what she saw. Here was the real man, after all! Such a handsome symbol of man, she had not dreamed of even! Even in sleep, he looked wonderful and she could not resist fondling him. She caressed his whole body and leisured him mouthfuls. He stirred with the warmth of a warm body and stared blankly.
‘Here, drink a hot cup of coffee, you will feel better’. She raised him supporting his neck with her left arm. While he was sipping coffee, she was appraising his beauty
He just stared blankly but she could not resist the pent up lava of her feelings which she had suppressed for the last five years. She surrendered herself to her passions and took him in her arms. Her warm caresses revived his body and he willingly yielded to her demands. She reached the heights of passion, hence unknown to her, and cried loudly in ecstasy. But she was going and going with no holds barred and was trying to fill her with all the lost moments of her life, just in one go: As such this experience was novel for her. Out of exhaustion she lay in his arms.
Hearing her cries, girls had crowded before her door but seeing their madam happy in the game of love, they left. But she was unaware of their presence or departure.
………….

 

[little-self]

The man called Dev was dumped at Kulu airport by two colleagues of Kamani. When they discovered that their Madam and the man were both in the higher state of sensual fulfillment, they got panicky on account of their ‘questioning’ condition. They had waited for them for days to regain their original states but both did not show any sign of recovery. The two seniors then decided to take the benefit of the situation and separated the man from the firm hold of their sensual liberties, otherwise they would have lost their Madam for ever and they would have to bear the irksome presence of the man. They did not want the interference of outsiders, especially a man, that too, a handsome one. They were all having heavenly times. The five (in the hilltops) were sufficient for the experimental purposes and the addition of this alien would only spoil their peace. He was such an attractive personality that each girl had contacted magnetic effect of his charms and always felt attracted towards him. Moreover, the absolute hold of him, over the girls, was spoiling the affectionate bond amongst them. Rather envious atmosphere was being created which the seniors wanted to avoid at any cost.
So, the man now called Dev, was separated from madam’s delirious surrounding and was brought in high spirits at Bhuntar airport near Kulu by two most beautiful women. He was handed a ticket for Delhi, but being oblivious of his surroundings, the women put the ticket in his the cloth bag hanging on his left shoulder.
Another beautiful woman was watching the scene in the cold shades of the entrance door. She noticed the two women leave in a Gypsy which was being driven by one of them.
The arrival of the plane was late, as usual, so she had two hours at had and their best utility was also in her grasp provided she made the first move as the handsome man seemed oblivious of his surroundings. Was he on high on some drug or a lost memory case? Both seemed illogical. The man was heavenly attractive, big chiseled body, fair complexioned well mannered and of innocent looks. The combinations suggested only high degree of intelligence. She could not pull her eyes away from that handsome face, such large forehead, round big deep eyes, high cheek bones, and shapely nose on two inviting lips! She tried to locate the object of his staring eyes, which remained focused on some object outside the exit door of the departure lounge. The runway was empty, visibility very poor, as white clouds of fog had engulfed the whole landing strip. The mountains, big deodar trees, cascading river Beas, all had merged in the whiteness of the landscape. Perhaps all had conspired to block the entry of the intruder, the man made machine, which made terrible noise and ruined the serenity of silent Gods. Her chain of thoughts led her to countless Gods of the area. There were so many deities (guardian angels) in Kulu valley that each hilltop had etched a place of honour for the local Devta (deity). But none seemed disturbed by the horrendous sounds of the drum beats, their followers created in the ritual dances but the noise of the airplanes did disturb them and in retaliation, they often conspired and blocked the entry of this machine bird. All the Devtas of the valley were readying for oncoming Dussehra festival. Though it was still a month away but the people, the villages, and the surrounding towns were all making feverish arrangements for the approaching festivities. Even the elements did not want to be left behind and were at their pinnacle best, during the month of September which is most bountiful as it fills its coffers with greenish scenery; dazzling colours of flowers, orchards beaming with fruits and trees dancing in wheezy winds, rivers, streams, water spring falls, creating celestial music and the nature is at its dizzy heights.
In such surroundings, the man appeared lost and the beautiful woman, with shoulder cut hair, was watching him sensually, driven to his magnetic body charms which somehow seemed to blend with the environs though her own body vibrations were emitting odd currents.
Taking forceful steps, she walked to him and sat in the adjoining empty chair. There was none else in the waiting room. Arrival from Delhi-Chandigarh-Kulu had been announced two hours late. Invariably she had to wait, almost daily for the arrival of the aircraft. Not a soul joined her in her long hours of wait. For the last fifteen days, she had been put on this tiresome job of picking her passengers at Bhuntar and take them to Katrain, a beautiful place about ten km. from Kulu on Manali road.
Three years ago she had placed her body, wealth and soul at the august feet of her master. Since then she had not looked back. She was a wealthy daughter of wealthy parents. She was twenty-three when she renounced her world and entered the new world of her Master. She willingly undertook any job, caring least for her comforts and went to extremes to please her Master. Her master was the modern blend of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. All put together, could not mach his logic. He had answers for every query, solution for every problem. To prove to the world that he was not a mere theoretician, he had built palatial mansions, housing in them vast chambers, in which he delivered long discourses to his disciples. Like his fantasies his feats were also fantastic. Though he was the top logician of the times, he lived in prime luxuries. People criticized his way of life, his way of ‘experiments’ but he disdained their criticism and extolled his brilliant logic to his followers. He was trying to make his disciples top class philosophers, first by liberalizing their sensual desires so that they would not create impediments in their next step of logic. They were required to completely forgo any inhibitions as unfulfilled desires, pent up feelings or obsessions were barriers in the progress of higher realms. Her Master has been trying very assiduously, systematically by removing the narrow mindedness of his disciples, their attachments to bodies, environments, possessions and nationalities. He wanted them to behave and live in universal brotherhood of man to shun national barriers, traditions, and customs and evolve a new culture on the basis of his philosophy. He was trying to inculcate his philosophy on his disciples by becoming a living example of it. Though Indian he did not believe in its Gods, traditions, cultural heritage. He detested everything Indian and lived in the luxury of Western world specially imported for him. He lived in their style but preached Indian philosophy, which he vehemently denied, was Indian!

 

[little-self]

Devyana, (her new acquired name, as all disciples were tagged with new names) had also been trying to be a good pupil by following her Master, not only his world, but accompanying him to Western countries, which he visited often. He had a large network of his Ashrams in those countries. Rich countries received his gospel readily when he criticized his own country by disowning it and denouncing its rich religions heritage. His following increased but he selectively admitted, into his fold only those who professed well, possessed well. Most of his disciples belonged to rich families who had renounced their respective countries age-old traditional values, had contempt for law, justice and also the religions of their regions. The old guard hated him, wherever he went but new hippy like generation welcomed him, and gave red carpet receptions. In every western country, he had in his possession, palatial mansions fitted with modern gadgets, fleet of latest models of luxurious cars, young disciples to serve him, to wait upon him.
Now he was worth billions and this was amply demonstrated in his life-style.
‘Mister, where are you going?’ The women asked him.
But he kept mum and continued staring into the white fog on the runway. She became little bold and shook his left shoulder. She shuddered. She had touched a live wire. She was being driven towards his powerful body and she felt quite helpless. The voltage in his body had not thrown her away but it attracted her towards him very strongly. Though he sat motionless, Devyana’s body had attached itself with him with such an inward pull that she found it difficult to detach. She was perspiring with sweet. Her body temperature had risen. And her sense organs had assumed unimaginable heights. Though perspiring profusely she was melting. She was going limp, when suddenly there was roar of approaching aircraft.
The man also stirred up from his trance as perhaps, he had passed on some of his energy-force to Devyana’s body or some internal mechanism had subsided, that he looked around and found a beautiful body of a women desperately attached to him. He immediately stood up and gently sat the woman on her chair. By now he had realized the cause of her present condition and began to revive her. After some body cajoling she came to her senses. She tidied her hair and clothes, eying him all the while as if conveying to him, the shameful condition she had been placed, was all due to him!
But the real shock of his life came when he realized that he could read Devyana’s mind like an open book. He was much more aware of his environs unlike before. Even he could sense the number of passengers in the approaching aircraft.
Every thought of the passengers, the dress they were wearing, the smell they were emitting, the noises (verbal exchanges) they were creating on landing, were known to him.
He knew he had become a psychopomp. And it was all because of Kamani’s final contact with him. He remembered also how and why he was brought here by the two colleagues of Kamani. He was smiling at his present situation when Devyana interrupted him by asking:
‘Are you leaving, really?’ There was anxiety in her voice.
‘No Devyana, I am going with you to meet your Master.’
‘How did you know my name and about my master’?
‘Too many questions, just calm down, don’t you recall it were you who told me about you and your Master? She looked at him questioning?
‘O.K I told you. Then you should also know that I have to pick up two film stars who are coming by the flight. By the way, are you some occult master or a magician? You had me mesmerized and floored me completely. My master would love to meet you. He is a top class Yogi and could channel your powers to right direction. Wait here for me here, I will be back soon. Before he could respond, she was gone off the exit door. He watched her sensual body, gliding through the door. There were moist drops on his upper lip. She was a beautiful and an intelligent. She could make a good partner, he thought.
…….


The Gypsy was going at 60 KM, even though the road was mountainous. The male star was sitting in front, while Devyana was on the steering. The famous actress was in the back with Dev. But her condition was worse than Devyana’s. She had forgotten her name, fame and the control of her body. Drawn by some invisible power she had lost her bearings and joined into a novel cycle of highly charged sensual passions. The man was acting normal but the female was playing a tigress!
Devyana had sensed the goings on in the back seats of her Gypsy. She increased the speed and the jeep was now piercing the very heart of mountains. She wanted to reach her destination urgently and get rid of the bloody bit …h’, but nothing seemed to matter; the speed, bumping, sound of horn, all seemed to merge in the outer vibrations of the atmosphere not the charged bodies entangled in the back! She wanted to slap the temptress but soon realized the man had attained some powers by virtue of which every woman was drawn to him. She became more curious and wanted to probe his powers. But till then, he was her subject. Nobody else dare touch him!
The jeep creaked to a sudden halt under the porch of a big hotel; Devyana jumped out and virtually dragged the actress out in shameful attire. The man was still in trance like condition. She directed the doorman to take the couple to their rooms and herself led the man to her suite after making him comfortable in her bed, she went straight to her Master.
‘Devyana, be careful with the man, he is in charged state and become a psychopomp …’
‘What is that Guru Dev?

 

[little-self]

‘By going through an experiment he is attained to perfectional level of his senses; all of his five senses are performing at optimum level, as a result, he is aware of his surroundings. Right now, he is hearing our conversation, even if he is lying in your bed.
‘It can not be possible, Guru Dev?’
‘All these years, I have been teaching you, the journey to Reality is via the senses. Anyway, he is a good subject. Teach yourself and be happy. Blessing to you’ with that he blessed her to go.
‘GuruDev, who is this man of Devyana?’ Asked Umeshwari, a highly evolved disciple of the Master. She had been standing respectfully away from the Master while Devyana was with the master.
A heavenly beauty, attired in white satin gown, she was a blend of benign, sublime beauty and sensuality. Somehow her sublime beauty was more pronounced than her body charms. Not that they were less attractive. But their attraction was surrounded by the benign beauty of her personality. Though she was always wearing transparent gowns but her limbs somehow were veiled by her beauty.
She was hardly 5’3” but her body statistics were impeccable 33” 22” 34” with long sliding legs. The only misfitting objects were her two small withdrawn eyes. Perhaps, too much meditation or inward thinking had withdrawn her eyes. This had rather enhanced her personality. It were her eyes that diverted onlookers’ stares from her body charms to her face which was moon shaped, small lips, small nose, small eyes, on a small beautiful face. Nature had beautifully expressed herself through the living mold of Umeshwari.
She was the classic blend of beauty and mind, sensuality and love, world and spirit. That was the reason; her master had chosen her as the chief disciple.
‘Umeshwari, the man who has lost his memory, is a living epitome of sensuality. The ascetics take years to attain perfection over one sense but this man has perfected all his five senses. His powers of sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch are so overpowering that to an ordinary seeker, they might look like magic or miracle. But it is a fact he is real.
Seek rapport with him. You will realize practically what I have taught you already. You are on the threshold of the second state of enlighenment, take the final leap and jump in the ocean of bliss…
‘But Guru Dev, Contact of man is necessary for attainment of bliss!
‘Dear, if we do not know the love of man, how would we be able to know the Universal love? And to realize the love of man, first we have to grow that love in ourselves. That is possible if we love some one we should be natural and accept what is natural. Only by knowing the nature that is by completely identifying with nature can we hope to go beyond it.
Until we first complete the natural process, we can not hope to go beyond it. But it is in our hands to hasten this process. And that opportunity is in your hands now. Love a man, love yourself and then extend that love to whole of the Universe. That is that path.
‘Guru Dev, you also tell us to go against the flow of nature!
‘That state comes when you are aware of Nature, and hence you come out of it and become a witness. As long as you indulge in the fruits of your desires, you are involved! But when become aware of your desires and their ultimate, you come out of their influences and become uninvolved. That state is the witness state. About that we will discuss later. Now go and rest. My blessings!
He kisses her forehead and bids her happy night.
Umeshwari passed by Devyana’s suite, which was on the first floor of the Hotel, now turned into a Mansion. She heard moaning noises. She immediately knocked at the door, which was unlocked and flung opened to her slight pressure of knocking. The suit was half-lit. She found her way to her bed and what she saw, astonished her, Devyana was lying straight on the bed, completely nude. Her wonderful beauty of body was colourfully merged in the soothing dim lights of the suite. She was lying completely relaxed but strange noises were coming out of her, slightly opened mouth, pillows were all wet with her tears which did not seem to stop. But somehow Devyana’s face and body looked happy and relaxed. It was plainly not the pain or fever that was troubling her.
Umeshwari looked around and found the man, naked too, standing by the open windows, facing down below, river Beas. Its sounds could not smolder the moaning noises of Devyana’s. She understood, Devyana had her experience and was in a ‘coma’ state of constant pleasure or rather orgasm.
She did not disturb them and came out of the room, slightly unnerved. She had mastered her senses after years of joyous experiences and austerities in the benign presence of her Guru, but this man had jolted her field of fulfillment also. She bolted her brain and went to her room.
……

 

[little-self]

Next day, Devyana was sent to the plains for recouping. It was forewarned by the Guru that she was to remain in such condition for six months. Thereafter, she would be called back.
‘But Guru Dev, what kind of influence is that which has gripped Devyana and would continue for six months?’
‘Umesh (he often called her by short name), whenever mortals are about to cross the barriers of one field of energy to another, the opposite pull of each barrier is so powerful that they cannot contain it and so they revile under their pressures and it takes about six months to come out of their influences and advance ahead. Right now Devyana is in the field of sensual energy, which she had absorbed to the optimum. She has to stabilize it and only then she would be ready for joyous state; the next field of energy.’ Her Guru was explaining all of this while sitting in a bejeweled chair, which looked more like a throne than a chair. His looks resembled to that of Tagore, but he was living a stylish life than that of the ascetics of the East. And he did not feel guilty about that.
‘Now I would advise you to take the man with you to your cottage and come after nine days. Then we would talk.’ He blessed her and curtly dismissed her.
She had been living with her Guru for the last ten years and had heard about countless controversies about him. He was the most controversial living master of the time (now dead). But she found nothing wrong or objectionable in the life of her Guru. As of character, it was impeccable. Never by inference or design, had her Master even showed the slightest interest with the anatomy of the opposite sex. It was only a Guru-disciple relationship. To some, he showered more blessings or enlightenment, to others less. It was done in accordance with the commitment and the spiritual advancement of the individual follower/disciple. The master was always for the betterment of his disciples, followers and the world at large. It was not his fault if his philosophy was at variance with the ancient schools of thought. His only fault if it was a fault (!), was, he tried to rear a new society, according to his philosophy. This was zealously objected to by all the established heads of religions/sects of the world. Her Master was not against the religion but against the establishment and the degeneration that had taken roots thereof. He was trying to tell the world about the level of corruption, degeneration, demoralization that had seeped into their very lives and he wanted to weed these out. When the religious heads cried and howled, he slapped their establishment by establishing his own communes and started his nursery of new generation by rearing, teaching, guiding and living a philosophy of life by a set of experiments, which seemed novel to the world. But he cared little about the dissent and continued his experiment. One by one, he was, thrown out of every country and was now nursing the wounds in the thick woods of Kulu valley.
His disciples had taken on lease, at a very exorbitant price, a top-class hotel and converted it into a temporary commune for their Master. He was enjoying its serenity though it was costing his disciples a fortune. Though he did seem to enjoy the comforts of the material world and engaged them conspicuously, these left no mark on his philosophy.
Umeshwari was originally attracted to her Master by his sheer intellect. He was an intellectual giant in flesh and blood. Thereafter from a mere curious onlooker, she had gradually graduated to a chief disciple. Her Master had observed in her, perseverance competency and commitment to his philosophy. Her Guru too had transformed from a philosopher to a Master, who was living by his gospel. She had also witnessed thousands of disciples, graduating his philosophy and becoming full grown members of the communes. His word had spread to western world and he had become a living gospel.
Though people, ignorant people, criticized his style of living, they did not realize that stream of his followers were from the West so it was logical, he would live in their style! It was just to please them. He loved his followers so he often allowed them to take liberties with him jus out of love.
The media and the politicians, whom he affronted mercilessly, spread foul rumors about him. But he cared less and continued in his style. Dirty propaganda was aired that he spent millions a month whereas his countrymen were dying of starvation, malnutrition and disease!

He also retaliated by openly branding the politicians as a corrupt lot for looting the country and its poor folk.
Such kind of controversies accompanied him wherever he went, and he even seemed to relish in his misery. He was a living legend and he enjoyed it.
Umeshwari often took liberties with her Master by engaging him in dialogues.
‘Guru Dev’ it is said God only incarnates in India, which is a country of Devatas (Gods/Goddesses)’ Umeshwari once asked.

 

[little-self]

‘Forget about God, concentrate only on yourself. For your realization do you need a place of worship! Billion and billion of rupees have been spent on building places of worship in this country. For centuries country men of this nation had been investing their fortunes in building temples which every invader ransacked and looted. If only they had avoided this colossal waste which ultimately filled the coffers of the invaders and instead invested that wealth for the betterment of its people no invader would have dared to attack and loot this country. But despite this all, ignorant people of this country willfully wasted their resources in the restoration of temples rather than in the building of the Nation. This country had vast resources but religious heads amassed them in temples for their selfish gains by exploiting the common folks. These religious heads became so powerful that they created their own chiefdoms and ruled like kings. Their exploitation of poor was so systematic that they installed religious regimentation by way of ritualism in every sphere of their lives. Right from birth to death services of priests were needed to perform religious rites. Fear of death, calamity, misfortunes, and sorrows were the basic tools and they (Priests) devised rituals for their own amelioration. By this way their grip on their people was complete. They exploited them, from birth to death, not only their grains, free services and wealth but their lives also. People not only surrendered their hard earned grains for the temples but fought for their defense against every invader. None fought against the defense of this country.
Had these resources been utilized in improving the lot of the poor people of this country, it would have ushered in an affluent society and a wealthy country.
But alas nothing is changed even now! In place of priests, political lords have taken over this country and in the name of socialism they are fleecing the poor and filling their own coffers. Goons, ruffians are ruling today. They are feeding the poor with tall slogans but in return are erecting tall buildings for themselves by swindling the national resources and massive foreign aid. (Till the early nineties India needed massive foreign aid but only a pittance came-by but with a lot of strings)
For the last two thousand years India’s society has been ruthlessly fleeced by its own people, whether in the garb of priests or politicians or by foreign invaders by exploiting its major weakness of religion. Religion has been the cause of its downfall. If it were to resurrect itself again, it shall have to forego its religious inheritance and adopt the western system otherwise it is doomed.
‘Master, if religion were to go, what would replace it?’
‘The ‘Reality’ my dear child!’ Was the calm reply of the Master.
Umeshwari often felt incapable, in fully grasping her Master. She probed and further probed the deep meaning of the words her Master spoke. Ultimately, she surrendered herself to her Master’s will.

 

[little-self]

Next day they both were driven to her cottage, which was situated on the Kulu-Manikaran road. Five years ago her father had gifted her apple orchard of ten hectares on her birth day and she often came there to seek solicitude for meditation purposes.
On the way to orchard, a strange accident took place which still lurked in her mind. The car was being driven by her driver and she was sitting with the ‘man’ on the back seat. They both were silent during the journey. The man was resting against the seat and she was bending her head on knees when suddenly the man cupped her right……. She was immediately charged by the inflow of large volume of electric currents, which literally jolted her bearings. She meekly started at him. But he was looking at her blankly. She wondered if the act was willful! She postponed the inquiry for future and again got lost in her mediation trip.
The log hut was built in the center of the orchard and was looked after by a young couple of the area. It had two bed rooms, a small drawing-cum-dining room and a kitchen. Its rooms had wonderful view of the river-Parvati, which was flowing majestically, quite nearby. They could hear its voices by its contact with the mountains edges.
She led the man to his room. He was still lost in his stance as it was in the early morning when she had gone to Devyana’s room where he was standing still by the windows. The man was really lost or had attained to some Yogic state. She felt zealous of his state, as, though she had spent ten years in the company of master but still had not been able to attain his level of state! She was also, thrilled by his company as it would afford her ample opportunity to know more about him. She silently thanked her Master for she now realized the underlying intent of her master, by affording her this opportunity. Her Master was really a gem and he knew about the needs of his disciples.
She understood her infirmities and joyfully ventured to probe on-coming adventures which would eventually lead her to better her enlightenment.
Though she was aware of her heights in Yogic powers which she had attained after years of mediation and self-inquiry and was capable to remain in joyous state for hours together but she was no match to the wonderful state the man had attained! She also knew that though she could absorb the initial shock of his energy field but had not as yet completely got immune to it. The only way to get immune to his body currents was to get familiarized with him, to surrender to him but on her own terms and not as he desired!
‘But Umeshwari, I will not harm you. I will never assault your modesty like a brute!’ He brokers her reverie.
She blushed. How could he know she was a virgin? Then she remembered that he was a psychopomp..
‘I too am not happy in my present state! My body field is highly charged; first my memory was taken away and now I am unaware of my surroundings. Coming to my present state, I have lost my bearings twice. No doubt, my faculties are sharp and I can sense things more clearly but simultaneously I have lost my bearings with the world.’ The man was suddenly speaking very clearly and had obviously come out of his ‘coma’.
‘But could you come out of your present condition, I wonder’?
‘I think, by understanding my present condition.’ He ventured.
‘What is your real identity, if I am not being very personal?’
‘I really don’t know. I have lost my memory. But I can tell you about the experiment I went through, which has placed in my present condition.’ Then he told her about his adventure with Kamani.
She then told him, how he was brought to the hotel, and had physical contact with Devyana and its after effects …
‘The later I know. ‘And he smiled.
‘Then why did you touch me’? She asked shyly.
‘Umeshwari, you are so beautiful I simply could not resist touching you. You know, we both are above body consciousness. You have attained this level due to meditation and self-realization by applying your extra ordinary intelligence. And I have reached this state after going through that sensual experience. As I am in perpetual state of orgasm, I don’t require sexual experience any more.
‘How do you feel about your present state, try to explain it? She implored him.
‘My charming lady, I am feeling thrills, every second of the day. Awake, sleeping or while walking, I am going and going as if shooting the …..every moment. I can not explain it fully but my feelings can convey it to you, if you touch my body. But I warn you, it may not wrap you too like me! Though I would love to hold you in my arms but I am apprehensive about your safety. I suppose, I have fallen in love with you. I hope you will forgive me for my impertinence.’ Being a giant he was feeling small in front of her.
‘I like your frankness but tell me, do you love me or my body’. She coyly asked.
‘What is the difference’? He shot back.
‘By the way, what is your name? I feel embarrassed and impersonal, calling you not by name’. Both were sitting in the lawn. It was a sunny September. Scents of orchard were wafting them from all around. Strangely both were in their barest conditions. She was wearing a see-through gown of satin and the ‘man’ was supporting only a cotton T-shirt and jean pants. Cold mountain forest winds were not producing desired effects upon them. Any body could sense they were immune to cold

 

[little-self]

Her servant’s wife Angelee brought them eleven-o-clock tea. Their hut was at far end of the lawns. Her orchard was spaced in five terraces. Her cottage and servant’s hut dotted the third terrace. The location was ideal for her. Even the nearest village, Kasel was two km away. There was an occasional sound of passing vehicles, coming from the road, which was far below her orchard.
Whenever Umeshwari came to her cottage, they lovingly looked after her and comforted her stay, as much as was humanly possible. Day and night, they made themselves available alternatively so that one of them was accessible within Umeshwari’s beckoning.
While sipping tea, the man placed his cup on the cane table and replied to Umeshwari’s query.
‘I have already told you, I have lost my memory. I simply don’t know anything about myself. You may call me by any name, you like’.
‘My master has a good knack for names. He prefers to call his disciple by godly names. So I will call you by the name of Shantnu. Now explain to me your present state of mind. You just had told me that you are unaware of your surroundings. How is that?
‘I feel somehow I am detached from normal life of activity and gone high: That my senses have detached themselves from normal activities and assumed higher state of non-involvement. I feel buoyed up, immersed in supreme pleasure state.
‘You mean you have attained the pleasure-state by activating your senses through that experiment! In other words you are in pleasure state only through your senses. But that is impossible’.
Shantnu Why?
Umeshwari Because, senses are not the only means by which pleasure state is attained. There are other factors, like nature. Now I will revert back to your previous counter-question regarding ‘what is the difference between I and my body. Tell me honestly. Whether you really believe, there is only body, nothing else.
Shantnu The world, that we live in, only contains visible objects. I see only those objects, nothing else.
Umeshwari You see only my body, nothing else?
Shantnu What else is there? You are beautiful woman; any one could fall in love with you.
Umeshwari Anyone could fall in love with me, just seeing my beautiful body? Don’t you think you are equating love with body?
Shantnu It is the body, we fall in love. What else?
Umeshwari Then, in your vocabulary, there are no such words as: mind, religion, conscience, intellect, wisdom and soul.
Shantnu But all these things, if they exist, are in the body.
Umeshwari Tell me, ‘these things exist’ for you or not?
Shantu I have read about them and I am fully aware of their existence. But thousands of tons of useless literature have been written about them. All has been waste of time, paper and ink. We are where we were. Have they contributed any improvement in us? Like waves, we created new thoughts-philosophies; like wave they evaporated. In physical bodies we were, in physical form we are. No change, no improvement.
Umeshwari Then, for you, waves of civilizations have existed for sometime and vanished for ever, making no improvement or advance in the journey of mankind.
Shantnu Results are before you. Like animals we were in stone-age, bestial we still are in the end of twentieth century. You must remember, how many wars, and conflicts took place during this century. How many millions of people were killed in those wars’? If the words, you use, as mind, conscience, religion intellect, wisdom, should etc., had any effect, would we be so, as we are today? Whatever thought, philosophy we may flout, it is for our leisure and consumption only. We have learnt nothing from them and we will learn nothing in future, human journey began in gross and it will end in gross.
Umeshwari Then let me be your pupil and start my teaching from gross. I shall be a willing pupil and would docilely submit to your logic. I promise, if you convince me about your way of thinking, I will throw away my saffron gown and the Guru in the down flowing river Parvati and would follow you to the nether worlds happily!

 

[little-self]

Shantnu It is an extreme consciousness of objective world viewed or felt through senses.
Umeshwari But that is possible only if we are normal and balanced. You know, nature or its objects are vested with three qualities of Truth (Purity), Happiness (material world), and pleasure (gross/sensual); and it (nature) is made up of particles which are composed of both positive and negative energy. These energy fields of positive/negative are highly susceptible to the type of life we lead and these can also superficially, charge our life style by the implementation of artificial means.
Shantnu You are trying to infer the energy fields can be increased or decreased by the comparative intensity of positive/negative charge of energy.
Umeshwari Exactly.
Shantnu Kindly elaborate.
Umeshwari The three qualities of truth, passion and sloth (Sato, Rajo and Tamo) are equally vested in nature and its objects. But energy charge in objects can increase or decrease by outer/inner influences. Living a balanced normal life, one assumes a quality life of truth (righteousness); around him, positive field expands, but if sensual tendencies take over, negative field expands and one leads a lower life than the normal.
Shantnu You mean, if we live by the book, we acquire higher quality of life, otherwise we are doomed!
Umeshwari I did not say that; I mean, if we do not keep our energy fields balanced by keeping our senses in normal conditions without instigating them to extreme heights by artificial means of intoxicants, drugs etc., we are liable to increase our field of negative charge and lead ourselves towards degradation. That is, when positive field increases by artificial means, we are superficially happy. And when negative charge increases, we are living a life of perversion. Artificial happiness and superficial perversion both are not normal states. And if we live in acquired states, these are not a normal.
Shantnu I have understood your message. I am now in a superficial state of pleasure, acquired by artificial means, which is not normal. Hence I am not in a normal state!
Umeshwari This is the problem with us, being not in normal conditions, we consider ourselves quite normal. We always project ourselves a knowledgeable; when the fact is we know nothing. We take your case: through that experiment, your senses and organs have heightened to the optimum condition; pumping heavy dozes of energy your mind has been mugged and you have become a live dynamo, predominated only by passion. You may not feel inside the sexual urge but your whole self is charged with passion and you are living in its fulfillment which you name as pleasure-state. The difference between you and a drug-addict is slight. A person under the influence of drugs also feels high but his senses are subdued. But the mind is mugged in both the cases.
Shantnu But how I am going to restore to my normalcy?
Umeshwari That will come in due course when you have understood the functions of the sense organs.
Shantnu I am afraid that when I become normal, I may not lose the newly acquired faculties of my senses. Now I can hear the noise of the termites in those trees. I can also observe the mental state of Gopi and his lovely-wife. I am reading their thoughts about their son, who is studying at Shimla. They are anxious to see him!
Umeshwari Have no fear, you will maintain them, and rather you would cultivate them for the higher purposes.
Shantnu How that shall happen, pray, tell me?
Umeshwari When you rise above them, that is, when you have their understanding, you automatically go to the mental (intellectual) level. Your body does not, then, observes, it is your mind which does the observation. It observes your body and the world around it.
Shantnu But the world is observed through the sense organs.
Umeshwari It becomes secondary. But this will come later; first let us know about your present condition. Now tell me how pleasure comes through senses?

 

[little-self]

Shantnu As you yourself have said, though I have attained the optimum level of my senses, I am reveling in the pleasure of passions only. Though women have been using me, lately, I derive no pleasure by the sensual act, because I am living in that state already.
Umeshwari You are aware that there are certain areas in human bodies, which when touched, instigate the sensual desire in us. On touching or caressing these sensitive areas, we feel a sensation that creates activity in the muscles of our vital organs, which start contracting, neutralizing, again contracting and then ejaculation and spasm. The same process our bodies go through while engaged in sexual act. Now the question arises, how the other partner helps in the fulfillment of the act? All this could be produced by self-indulgence …!
Shantnu But that is unnatural.
Umeshwari That is what I am deriving at. We are merely wasting our energy and time on unnatural means. We should be natural. Being natural, I mean, normal. Now tell me, when you say, you are in love with me, you really imply by it my body. Why do you want my body, when you are already dozing in spasmtic condition?
Shantnu As I have already said, you are extremely beautiful and anyone would like to touch you.
Umeshwari That shows, you are attracted to my body. It is not the love that attracts you towards me!
Shantnu But body fosters love.
Umeshwari If you see another woman, who is more beautiful than me you will naturally be attracted to her also.
Shantnu May be, may be not.
Umeshwari Come on, don’t dodge.
Shantnu Yes. I would go to her.
Umeshwari Thanks for being honest. It is clear then, it is body that attracts you, not the person who behold that body.
Shantnu Body has no relations. It behaves natural ly.
Umeshwari It must behave natural but what is natural?
Shantnu To love each other, what else?
Umeshwari But that is not natural. Sexual act was meant only for procreation. Even animals indulge in sex for regeneration only. Why human use it for pleasure, when nature meant it for procreation only?
Shantnu If a thing gives us pleasure we must use it.
Umeshwari I have already told you, the pleasure does not come from the other partner, it comes from our own indulgence. Then what is it that we seek from the partner? It is definitely not her/his body we use for pleasure. It is something else.
Shantnu And what is that?
Umeshwari It is our own projections that we seek in others. We seek in others, our projection of pleasure, joy and love. We have pleasure in us--- which we have experienced due to our own self-indulgence or through metal flights---we want it to be reciprocated! If the partner bounces it back, we say, pleasure has been attained. If not, we are disappointed.
Shantnu You mean to say, it is our own pleasure that we seek in others.
Umeshwari Exactly. Now suppose if you are not aroused, would you get any sexual pleasure from your partner.
Shantnu Of course, not.
Umeshwari Then, it is clear, sexual act or mutual company does not itself, give us pleasure. Moreover, you might have heard or read that people hurt each other, use gadgets to derive pleasure. They become more brutal and pervert but the pleasure they seek does not come. Because pleasure is not in bodies! Had it been so, they would derive it from one body and not wander around, hurting, killing innocent people! You also know, suppressed or unfulfilled sexual desires have caused countless wars. They were, all searching for pleasure at wrong places. It was, as always, in them and they were seeking it without. That is why, it would not come to them or what they thought was the pleasure, brought about by perverted means, would not last long. Pleasure is something else; it would not come only through sex.
Shantnu I have learnt my first lesson, my charming lady, what is the next one, please continue?
Umeshwari Now we come to taste, we waste too much food and money to give us pleasure of taste. We forget, we eat to live, not live to eat.
Shantnu But how food affects our body?

 

[little-self]

Umeshwari You know, of the 83, 99,999 species of living beings, only man eats cooked food. Please note, when I use the word ‘man’ it includes woman, of course. Also we eat meat of living beings. It is unnatural to eat cooked food and kill animals and eat them. It was natural to eat meat, when man was evolving from animal state but when he has come of age after living through so many civilizations, matured through as many cultures, is it wise for him to behave like animals? At least, we must imitate animals and eat not to gorge our bellies and satisfy our palates but to just sustain them.
Our tongue is the most important step in the advancement of man, in his journey to realization. It has two functions to discharge. It tastes and talks. For its tastes, it impels man (or it is the mind that does the dictating) to place before it scores of courses of food. Highly qualified chefs are engaged to prepare delicious dishes, extravagantly decorated on vast dining tables. For a table of four, nearly a fortune is spent, enough for a poor family to live on for a year. But to what purpose, all this labor when all that is eaten shall be out of the body as waste, whose smell its producer cannot stand? Too much eating is also harmful for the upkeep of the body. It ushers in many desires. Gluttons live not long. Moreover, it keeps the man in the shackles of sense organs. It breeds negative (Tamasic) tendencies. No glutton has ever made into a genius or a master. So, we should take food according to necessity, only to satisfy our hunger of bodies, not quench the inexhaustible hunger of taste.
The second function of tongue is the faculty of talk. The original purpose of speech was to communicate our needs and share our experiences. We graduated from sign language to talk and to present day languages. We shall discuss about the evolution from sound to scripts, later. Now we shall confine ourselves to its physical functions only. Now we go on talking and talking, blabbering out meaningless talk, which has no relevance to our existence. We have devalued its significance and use it simply to mesmerize others. It was meant to convey the beauty in the symphony of nature. Sweetness was it nature and sweet, musical words should come from it in place of vulgar vocabulary. We should talk less and listen more. We are basically, learners. No one has mastered the nature, so what is there to talk. Even Masters, who are aware, use it very wisely. They know it tarnishes the language of their thoughts. They communicate in subtle ways for they know human vocabulary is incomplete to express nature and it also wastes precious energy. To preserve energy and to prevent quarrels, embarrassment, spreading of ignorance, it should be used minimally only to convey what is most essential, not to impress others.
Shantnu You are gradually negating every sense organ. Where are you trying to lead to?
Umeshwari Eyes are meant to remove physical blindness of man and to enjoy the beauties of nature but we are also using them for petty and lower purposes. Now tell me, how do you use them?
Shantnu I use them for a very special purpose. I disrobe every woman I see. My eyes remove their clothes and see beauty underneath them. They are a classic means to be holding beautiful bodies and enjoy their charms.
Umeshwari Your eyes are mere organs. They can only see but cannot react. It is the faculty of sight in them that makes them see, so is the sense of sight that observes but is also cannot have pleasure as it lacks qualities of discrimination. Sight itself is incapable to decide whether a scene or an object is pleasing or displeasing. It is again the mind that enjoys the pleasure. In food also, it was the mind not the tongue that enjoys.
Shantnu But eyes and tongue have their reactions. Eyes react to all the elements, wind, cold, heat, water, etc. and they flutter accordingly.
Umeshwari These are biological reactions which do not induce pleasure.

 

[little-self]

Shantnu Then what is it that enjoys or produces pleasure?
Umeshwari It is the mind. In food also when we eat some dish, tongue only tastes its sweetness/sourness and immediately sends message to the brain. Mind discriminates the tastes and decides which dish the most was deliciously prepared. It is the mind that does the comparison and develops its standards. It is the mind that impels sense of smell and taste and induces watering of the tongue.
Some way ears, nose, hands are also discharging the functions of the body. Their faculties of hearing, smell and touch are the communicating tools of the mind. You take away the mind; the bearer is immediately bereft of his friends. A fool though, tastes, smells, hears, touches and sees but he does not enjoy and discriminate their fruits. He does not derive pleasure out of them.
Whenever our sense organs discharge any act, their subtle bodies (senses) convey their experiences to the brain which stores all data collected through sense organs. It is the mind that does the comparison and sets it definition of pleasure.
Shantnu You say, it is the mind that seeks pleasure, sense organs or senses play the role of observation only.
Umeshwari Sense organs are vital parts of body machine. Body is only a machine. It is the mind that controls it and runs it according to its whims.
Shantnu If as you say, mind gets pleasure, then its composition should be solid whereas it is subtle/invisible.
Umeshwari Even senses are subtle and the messages of observations they transmit to the mind through brain are invisible.
Shantnu My eyes see her beautiful body, my nose smells her, my hands caresses her soft silken body. All these heighten my attraction towards her and I want to love her.
Umeshwari You want to have sexual relations with her, but why? If she is beautiful, can’t you react towards her as you do towards other beautiful things of the world?
Shantnu But human body is different. It is not insentient like other things in nature.
Umeshwari But we are part of the nature or rather I would say, an extension of nature. Leave that, come to the point, what would you do with the woman.
Shantnu Naturally, I would hold her in my arms, perhaps make love with her.
Umeshwari Now I do the explaining. You would hold her, means, you would possess her body about which you senses have signaled to the mind and it has created a desire in you to possess her and get pleasure out of her. But during the act, your body is simply functioning as a machine and your mind is trying to get the imagined pleasure. After the act, you body is limp and mind wanders away. It shows your attractions were momentary. Your pleasure is only in possesses the body not in the actual act. Otherwise your mind would remain attached to her. If in case, you still have attraction for your partner, then it is not in the body but in something else, which is not the body?
Often we indulge in the act but our mind is making love with someone else. So it was not getting pleasure from the present partner but from the partner of his imagination.
Shantnu So it is the mind that is the real master and not the senses as I thought. But tell me how we come in the permanent state of pleasure.
Umeshwari As long as we are in the subjugation of mind, we can’t have permanent state of pleasure. But we can have bouts of pleasure if we keep our senses clean, unbiased and untouched. That is possible only if we observe world honestly, not influenced by the mind. Mind makes us see, smell, touch, hear, and taste only those things which it likes. We must observe the objects as they are; not as they should be. We should not allow our mind to superimpose or we would have a tinted view of the world and shall be monitored by mind which is a wile master. And we will be forced to live in a world which is not real but projected by the mind.
Shantnu But still you have not told me, how we reach the pleasure-state.
Umeshwari When our senses are in natural state, unaffected by mind or the outer influences!
Shantnu You have mastered your senses?
Umeshwari You often twist my words; I have never said that. I simply mean, I am aware of the functions of my senses, and my body and mind have assumed secondary roles

 

[little-self]

Shantnu Then, who is your master?
Umeshwari It comes by stages; when I understood the functions of my sense organs, my senses became master (witness). When subtle senses (senses of perception) were understood, mind became the witness. Now I think I know the composition of mind and consequentially, it too has vanished and my intellect has become the witness.
Shantnu What do you mean by ‘witness’.
Umeshwari When your body functions but you are unaware of it, mind is the witness. When mind also does not influence our life, intellect takes over and it becomes the master as it is no longer attached with the mind. These are the stages you have to go through, if you really want to reestablish your lost identity. I know you were a Jnani, in your real identity but somehow you have lost your bearings. My master told me that, I also feel this way.
Shantnu Umesh (she felt affected by his informality), I am not satisfied in my present lot. It is boring me. Please continue and fend me safely.
Angelee suddenly placed before them two glasses of apple juice which was a signal for lunch break. After sipping juice they proceeded to the cottage for lunch.
Umeshwari took only a few pieces of salad, whereas Shantnu had a sumptuous filling. Angelee had prepared a mixture of local and Punjabi dishes. His hunger did not seem to quench. Seeing the empty plate of Umeshwari, he had to stop himself out of sheer shame and decorum.
Shantnu That’s all? You could die of starvation, don’t you realize?
Umeshwari But I am on this diet for the last ten years. Of course, sometime there is variation. Instead of apple I may take two bananas or I may take two chapattis in the evening. When I go home, I can’t see my Papa unhappy.
Shantnu On this meager diet but still you look youthful and blooming! Forgive my impertinence. How is this possible?
Umeshwari In the beginning there was some maladjustment as due to restricted dieting, stored wastes/toxins are washed out of the system. There appears some weakness but gradually system adapts to the new routine and rejuvenation of cells starts. Every muscle in organs and parts of the body gets new leash of life. It is a rejuvenation of the body. Body energy and mental faculties increase. Same is the case with other senses. The less trash we feed them, more rejuvenating they become.
Come on, you must take afternoon siesta. We meet at dinner time and that is at 6P.M.
After their evening meals, they were strolling in the orchard.
Shantnu I notice you speak very less. It is because of me, you haven to speak a lot. I am sorry for that.
Umeshwari You are right. I make minimum use of my senses. Rather you can say that I am foregoing the use of my body for my comforts. It is good for me as it is a means to my goal. I am also housed in it. Otherwise it is a shell and a machine. Nothing else!
Shantnu From tomorrow morning I am also following you. I will take only what you are taking. My teaching starts in earnest. A very personal question if you don’t mind.
Umeshwari Shoot.
Shantnu Have you slept with any man? I know you are a virgin. But my senses, highly charged they might be, are not able to penetrate your field of meditation. I am able to tell about the gross level thinking but I am blocked if you are engaged in higher level of thoughts. The mind of ordinary persons is like an open book to me but I can’t penetrate your mind, perhaps, your mind does not exist, when you are engaged in meditation!
Umeshwari When I reached the age I needed a man, I had already reached joy state; which is higher than pleasure-state. So I did not need the baser pleasures of the senses. When I have the source at my command, would I need the services of lower tools; grace of my Master has blessed me the realms whereupon I look down only to stare at baser levels, in them humanity is gorging in the sloth of lust, greed, envy, anger and attachments. These are baser qualities found in animal world but humanity seems to ravel in them. I pity their lot and feel fortunate that my Master has taken me away or I would also have been frothing in the same mire! About your personal query, it is no. Does it make your ego happy?
Shantnu I am beginning to feel happy in your company. May it never come to an end!
Umeshwari Shantnu, everything in the world, even the world itself, is transitory, hence perishable. But there is one thing in them that does not perish and that I have found! I would like you also to realize that, and your life shall be blessed
Shantnu With your help and blessings, I would definitely attain that. That is my resolve.
Umeshwari Good night. Master may take care of you.
She felt him in his room. But he was uneasy. He had many questions to ask, many queries to fulfill. His body was restless so he left for a long walk. After tiring his body, he came back in the early hours of the morning. Umeshwari was standing in the doors.
Umeshwari Come with me to your room. Sit besides me. Do you want me or my body?
Shantnu Honestly, right now I want nothing except your love.
Umeshwari You don’t use appropriate words. You want me to hold you. Is that it?
Shantnu Yes.

 

[little-self]

She slowly took him to her bosom, and began to caress him like a mother. Both did not realize that she had withstood his body. After stroking him for sometime, she stirred him to lie down on the bed.
Shantnu Umesh, you have burnt your robe. I was horribly selfish. I might have hurt your body. Come, lie on the bed, and let me see.
Trough his inspection was sensual but there was concern in his touches. Her whole robe was burnt with his body’s currents but strangely she bore no effects. Her pious silken body was spotless. They slept in each other’s arms.
When she was about to leave, she asked him: Do you want sex with me, Shantnu?
Shantnu No. I don’t want to soil you with my baser touch. I am already ashamed of what I did. Please forgive me.
Umeshwari But you did nothing. You simply expressed your desire, which I fulfilled willingly. I cooperated on my own accord, I wanted to bring you to normal condition and also put myself to a test. You are now normal in my company. And same is with me. It was good to meet you. We really need each other for our mutual advancement.
Shantnu got up at six in the morning. Sun had not risen yet. Indications for the day’s weather were clear. He came out of the cottage after covering his body and went for a long stroll in the orchard. His steps took him up on the terraces; he was standing under the waterfall which seemed to come from eternity as the angle of the fall from the base was straight up. He could not resist the temptation and jumped beneath it. To his utter shock, boiling water fell on his nude body. He immediately came out and inspected his body.
‘Hello Uncle’, let me see the damage!’ Angelee came out of the shadows of ripe young apple trees and advanced towards him. Very delicately she was probing his body muscles, inch by inch, completely ignoring his naked-ness. When he looked into her depthless eyes, he felt ashamed and tried to get up.
‘No uncle, sit calm; here, I shall give you a warm massage. You should not have gone straight under the fall, lie here in the pool, it is tolerable here’. She made him lie straight in the foot deep water of the pool, which was an extension of the falling waters. He noticed that cold water was coming from the niche of the mountain and then mixing with hot water. Lukewarm water relaxed his body and he closed his eyes on Umeshwari. He wished it were her and sighed mouth fully.
Muscle by muscle Angelee’s delicate fingers were probing his body but he did not resist and let her continue. Strangely his body had not responded. Again he sighed thankfully to the memory of Umeshwari. Suddenly he turned over and sat on his hunches.
‘Angelee you know I love your mistress!
‘That is why I am serving you’. She answered without moving her eyes.
Is it right to serve a nude and that too a stranger?
‘Uncle, you have misunderstood me. I also love my man and Gopi loves me. But I don’t see your naked body. It is only shell of meat and blood. It has no relevance to me, except that I have seen a happy gleam in the distressed eyes! Yesterday when you came, you were all tense. But now I saw a child in you, happy, carefree and waking with the winds. You are not a body and limbs but symbol of happiness for Umeshwari whom I call sister. Chastity does not speak through body and limbs but simmers in the inner portals of conscience. So have no qualm on my account, gage within and be calm.’ She had finished her job and again gone into her shadows which opened into the vast expanse of a small man, who had witnessed this drama and was waiting for her with open arms at the open doors of their hut.
‘Angelee, did he try to molest you? Gopi asked, still holding her in his arms.
‘I would have killed him. I was a black belt in judo in my college days’.
‘He really is a big man!
‘But love comes from heart, not from the limbs of a man. It matters here (touching his heart area), not there.’

 

[little-self]

They saw Shantnu walking into cottage. Every bit of his body was oozing with joy. It seemed he was not walking but floating on earth.
Umeshwari came out of her room as if to receive him. ‘How did you enjoy your massage?’
‘Oh, but how did you know?’ Suddenly he realized other things also. Hot water affecting his body! Angelee not feeling his charged body. It clearly meant, energy field had left his body after contacting Umeshwari.
‘I enacted the show through Angeles. Poor girl does not even know! I did the prompting in her mind. You came out of it cleanly, but I could not recognize the face of the woman on whom you were concentrating dear? Not either her name was written on her gown.’ She was beaming happily.
‘Umesh, when shall I come out of this imbecile life? I am being forced to act different roles and I am a helpless Ginny-pig. First, I lost my memory, and then Kamani used me and now you are putting me through an experiment. It all implicate that I have no will power and I am yielding to the whims of others! But here is a happy tiding for me too; I am getting flashes in mind, that whatever I am going through, somehow I knew before. But you should not have used poor Angelee. If I had over-stepped!
‘I knew you would not! I wanted to revive your confidence and convey to you, practically, that you have come down from your high state, which was artificially charged up. Now you are almost a normal man.
Shantnu What do you mean by ‘almost’?
Umeshwari Your sense organs and body muscles are now functioning normally.
Shantnu How did it happen?
Umeshwari Now we reverse our roles. I do the questioning and you reply to my queries. Is pleasure a permanent state?
Shantnu It looked so but now I am not sure.
Umeshwari You slept with me, how do I look to you?
Shantnu You are the very symbol of beauty.
Umeshwari You have slept with other women, am I different?
Shantnu Umesh, all bodies are same in bed, though their reactions may vary. But ultimately sensual satisfaction is the outcome. But with you, sensual part was absent and we both behaved differently. We felt for each other without passions raised. Lust was not discernible. It was like meeting of two personalities of physical bodies.
Umeshwari When two bodies contact, do they leave any impression on each other’s limbs?
Shantnu We leave impressions on each other’s mind not on limbs.
Umeshwari Then, as far as impressions are concerned, our bodies are insentient, I mean, if our bodies do not remember each other, as it is the mind which perpetuates memories; they being bereft of memory, hence are as good as inert.
Shantnu But we are sensitive to touch, smell, taste, vibrations and light!
Umeshwari Yes, there are factors like hormones, body chemistry, state of mind, depression, anxiety, contentment, anger, generics and hereditary influences. But above all it is the scale of mind that influences our four stages of normal culmination of sensual desires. In the heat of desire, our bodies pass through intense excitement, pleasure, orgasm and resolution. But factors already mentioned play a decisive role and influence our biological reactions. Each one of them could make or mar our body efficiency. So body of its own cannot fulfill its lust. Even desire is prompted by the mind.
Shantnu So it is the mind that controls our bodies. Then, we must understand it.
Umeshwari We go step by step. Now we are talking of body, let us confine our discussions to body field only.
Shantnu it is now understood that body alone is no better than dead wood; efficient machine but totally controlled by so many factors/influences.
Umeshwari But don’t you think there are other external influences which might affect it directly or indirectly?
Shantnu Yes. There are other influences like negative/positive vibrations coming from other people.

 

[little-self]

Umeshwari How these affect us?
Shantnu All negative tendencies directly related to body, whether genetic, or acquired otherwise; like passion, lust, anger, form a red aura around the body and vibrate (Tamasic) slothful rays and badly affect those who come within the range of that aura. The more intimate one is, the more it affects the other person. Same way good tendencies like, love, peace, compassion, kindness, and sacrifice, form pink, white and yellow colors auras respectively. There are so many such other auras, which we shall discus at mental state level. Suffice is to state here that we get influenced by the type of company we keep.
Umeshwari You are on the right track. Please continue.
Shantnu We are governed by society, its laws, judiciary, culture, religion, sociology, economic conditions, political atmosphere and psychology. All these control our outer behavior which later influences our thinking process. Then there is atmospheric factor. Whether it is cold or hot or both? It affects our body chemistry and we behave accordingly. Persons living in cold areas behave differently than to people living in Africa. Body behavior, habits, nature of crime etc., differ from one weather zone to another.
Similarly, the solar family of which earth is a member also affects us. All the planets are directly affecting our mineral wealth on earth. The types of minerals found on earth have direct relation with other planets. Each planet has a specific portion of minerals which will not be found on another planet. If these are found, it would be scarce in quantity.Each planet is vested with different and special minerals, but all of them are found on earth.
The morning sun was bathing them soothingly. They both had put on scant clothes. Both were averse to formal dresses. She preferred to wear a thin clothed gown and Shantnu was in his knickers and T-shirt.
Angelee brought for them fruits and juice. Lushly September flowers were augmenting the aroma being discharged by the fruits of their bodies. Her happy eyes watched the heavenly pair, peacefully relaxing in the lawns; Gopi and she had tended so dearly. She forgot herself and kissed them on the foreheads and hurriedly whisked away to her cottage
Umeshwari We leave the creation part of the universe for the time being and come to our world. While at gross (body) level, why are we involved with the objective world only?
Shantnu Because our sense organs hear, smell, touch and see only objects. You may be aware, eighty percent data fed to our brain goes through eyes, five percent through ears and remaining fifteen percent through the remaining three sense organs. Eyes, therefore, are the most important organs of our body and they always look at objects. Whatever images, impressions, sounds, tastes, smells are stored in the brain, are as the result of direct contact of sense organs with the objective world. So it is natural, we remain always immersed in ‘seen’ world. Whatever our eyes see, other organs also contact that object and send their messages to the brain.
Umeshwari But their capacity is limited; therefore, the data sent in would also be incomplete. So they cannot be dependent upon solely!
Shantnu It is not their incapability alone but other factors like vibrations coming from persons, objects, minerals, solar family and cosmos as a whole. All of them are influencing our body chemistry and creating immunity zones in our cells. Our reactions are according to the immunity we have achieved.
Umeshwari As you say, our reactions then should be also partial and biased if not altogether false?

 

[little-self]

Shantnu Thereare others influences, far more powerful in our minds, which we shall take on later!
Umeshwari But these (inner influences) would also be partial and biased as these are being generated on the bases of the limited media!
Shantnu You are right. We are being fed, incomplete data, incomplete images, impressions and vibrations.
Umeshwari Do you have any notion as to what you are implying at? You are telling me in plain language that we are all incomplete entities!
Shantnu We may look physically perfect but intellectually we are incomplete.
Umeshwari You have painted a very alarming picture. All the teaming millions walking on mother earth are incomplete human beings! Then we are living with a dangerous lot!
Shantnu That is why there are war, strife, crime, hatred, drug addiction, corruption, rape and so on. Do you observe normalcy on earth?
Umeshwari I want to run away from this horrible world.
Shantnu That you have already done, don’t be angry with me! I know you are a top-class ascetic. I know that all this hospitality is only on my account only. With your help and patience, I am regaining my memory. If you bear with me a little more, I hope to regain my past also.
Umeshwari It is a fruitful talk. Please yourself. I am all attention. If I don’t divert your attention, you were about to tell me the effects of minerals on our lives.
Shantnu How the minerals are directly related to the solar family, I shall discuss later? But their effect on us is very easy to observe. People living nearby mines would have peculiar habits unrelated to the people living in plains, mountains and deserts, not possessed of those mineral deposits!
Umeshwari But other people, living away from mineral deposits, also develop peculiar habits, by being confined to their respective areas only.
Shantnu But I am talking of a way of living, completely different and dissimilar to each other, by living in different minerals zones. People of South Africa living in gold mine zones have a different way of life than to people living nearby iron ore mines. Gold, silver, diamonds, zinc, iron ore mines vibrate different powerful rays which affect the people differently. Sociologists should find the difference in their behaviors, habits and thinking process. It would not be a misstatement if I dare say the lives of these people are completely dominated by the vibrations of the particular mineral, they are settled nearby!
Umeshwari In case the minerals, as is being done, are exported from one place to another, would they also affect those people who have imported and using those minerals?
Shantnu Of course, if the iron-ore is exported to Japan, it would bring with it powerful vibrations and shall definitely affect the Japanese people, the way it had affected the lives of people of its parental place.
Umeshwari It is big talk. Importing countries would stop their imports in case it is established that their after effect are harmful.
Shantnu I did not use the word ‘harmful’ but it is certain they would change their way of life markedly.
Umeshwari Then the exchange of, not only minerals but population could have disastrous effects.
Shantnu History is witness, whenever or wherever such exodus has taken place such areas were always prone to troubles.
Umeshwari In nut-shell, you want to say, exchange of both, lands (minerals) and people is un-natural! To some extent, you are right. People forced to leave their lands and cultures have not been able to assimilate with their new lands/peoples even after centuries. They always try to find their roots.
Then what is to be done! Man is a helpless tool, tossed this or that way by the elements. Incapacitated he is by him imperfect senses and is being mauled in an incomplete molds of nature! Still he survives. How?

 

[little-self]

Shantnu By the power of adaptability to survive; put him in any situation, he will adapt. He not only adapts but transforms himself suitably to new situations. Nature has taught him well. Like nature, he tries to maintain balance. Nature keeps perfect balance in the scheme of her evolution. Deserts, snows, forests, vegetation, oceans, are where, they should be. It is man who is disturbing the nature’s chemistry and is suffering because of that. Nature had sufficient resources to sustain life on earth but man has overpopulated and has annihilated forestry. In the name of progress, nuclear tests are being carried out is oceans, outer space and underground. Industrial revolution has made inroad in green pastures. Chemical wastes, crude energy pollution, are destroying precious species and in the bargain mankind is faced with dreadful diseases----the outcome of their advancement. Ecological imbalance is hovering over the human race leading to its doom. Man must learn from nature. It is in continuous evolution but in the process does not annihilate. Mammoth galaxies, comprising millions of stars, constellations, comets, planets, are on the move. Each is moving around the other but not a fraction of second is missed or over-lapped. Man made satellites, get destroyed due to one snag or another. But natural satellites are circulating around their stars since ages and there has been no instance of time lap or time gap.
Man is in hurry, he creates material objects whose life span is very short. He plans, keeping in view narrows perspective. He creates for his comforts or destruction. But nature creates to evolve itself to fuller heights-to ultimate completion and perfection.
Umeshwari Meaning thereby, man should not disturb the balance of nature and should try to live within the scheme of nature. Then what would happen to the vast industrial base, painstakingly erected by man?
Shantnu Man should work in harmony with nature. Whatever nature creates is for its fostering as well as for the benefit of humanity. Material progress by man is necessary but not by destroying himself and natural resources. Otherwise, his progress will lead him to doom one day. Look into the pages of man’s history on Earth planet. He has destroyed human races many a time but it is nature again that comes to his aid. During world war 2nd, male population in Germany had decreased alarmingly. But after the war, male population increased to make up the imbalance. Man destroyed but nature replenished the deficit. At any cost, nature keeps itself in balance. There is perfect harmony in nature. Man should also imbibe it as he is its creation.
Umeshwari Very interesting and enlightening, but how all of this is possible? Man has gone far beyond, how to reverse the trend of his inclination to destroy?
Shantnu He should get rid of animal tendencies and live in perfect harmony. Like nature he must create but not destroy himself and the balance of nature.
Umeshwari How that could be? Pray continue.
Shantnu Man is now living in the world of forms, images, shapes, which attract him and also repel him. What pleases him, he wants to grab. Desire to possess is uppermost in him. Pleasures of physical world create in him, irresistible desire of possession, which takes the form of greed. To satisfy his greed, he concentrates all his energies to acquire, what is not his. He wages wars, causes destruction but his appetite of greed does not satisfy. In the name of valor he expands his boundaries. But is he capable to increase or decrease natural boundaries? He can expand his territory but not an inch of natural space. Natural resources are meant for all (only if he remains within bounds), but only a handful of marauders control them. Not only control them but take advantage out of them, at the cost of others livelihood. What a contrast between nature’s benevolence and man’s greed. Nature keeps not control over its resources and has given free access to mankind. But man takes them under his control and deprives others of their benefits. Why man has stooped so low that he kills others for those things, which he himself does not utilizes, but hoards? His physical wants are few but he yearns for more and more. Has he forgotten his ultimate in life that he craves for things material whereas his journey’s end is happiness, joy, bliss? Does he get any of these out of them? He must set his priorities right, if he wants happiness and peace in life.
Till two days back, I thought I got what I wanted. I wrongly assumed I had achieved the state of bliss. But from you I learn I was still roaming at body level. I had come to identify myself with body pleasures. But now it is otherwise. It is the mind that plays the tune, poor body merely dances on its strings of sense organs. Of course, other factors also influence it but they too affect us through the sense organs. It is of paramount importance; we must get rid of our animal tendencies, and come out the duality of pleasure-pain, hate-attraction, gain-loss, and happiness-sorrow. All of these are the direct outcome of lust, greed and anger.

 

[little-self]

Umeshwari But it is the mind that creates them, body is merely a tool.
Shantnu All the three, are directly related to our physical world. So a preliminary knowledge about them is necessary before we take them seriously at their roots. Now about your earlier question as to what I want in life. I want permanent bliss, peace and everlasting joy. When I go to your orchard or for long walks in the surrounding woods, lovely beautiful flowers, cascading waters of river Parvati, hot springs, waterfalls, birds chirping joyously, freely flying in space. All this creates symphony in the atmosphere and I swoon in ecstasy. Though the scenes are there, everlastingly, but my feelings of ecstasy last only for a fraction of time. I want to blend in that everlasting scene. I want to be a permanent part of the beauty that lasts, speaks, smells and vibrates. Without possessing or molesting it, I go in swoon. But when I come here (to you), my priorities change! I want you because I want to create those ecstatic feelings in your company, I want to infuse that beauty in your body and through its medium I want to have those ecstatic feelings. I am in physical form, so I understand only physical world. Nature may also be in physical forms but its affects are different. I want to absorb these differences and feel in you, what I got beholding those scenes! I want elevation through you. My happiness lies in you.
Umeshwari Beautifully said. But I am also an extension of nature.
Shantnu May be. But you are a ‘live’ beauty. I can talk to you. I can hold you. I can love you. With nature I am a mere witness but with you, we both are live participants.
Umeshwari But the concept of love goes on changing. First it expresses itself through physical love, which is, in fact, pleasure state. Then it grows and expresses itself in the qualities of beings (joy-state). Ultimately, physical identity and its qualities absolve and we love for love’s sake.
Shantnu You have given words to my feelings. Yes, that is what I seek in you.
Umeshwari In me or in a woman!
Shantnu Umesh, you know, it is not just any woman a man loves, as it is not every scene that sends a man to ecstatic heights! Somehow, whether it is because of inner chemistry of fullness of a scene, a man enthralls in the company of woman. It is their mutual liking; suddenly a person is beheld who possesses all that a man ever aspired.
Umeshwari If that is your wish let it is fulfilled. She kissed him full on the lips and signaled him to go into the cottage for luncheon.
After taking glass of juice, each went to their respect rooms.
Waiting for her for some time, Shantnu came and stood in front of her room. Doors were closed. He did not hear any voice, as he closed his ears to the doors. Her was about to go out of the cottage but was impulsively drawn to the doors again and opened them against his conscious will. Her room was bare except for a rug. Far in the center of the outer wall, she was sitting in meditation posture, facing the windows. Her long hairs were covering her naked black. Out of their silken darkness, milky patches of gleaming skin were slackening his hold on senses. He covered the distance with long firm steps and sat on his toes just touching her. Her natural body contours mesmerizes him and he shot his hands in front of her body and delicately cupped her …..
Before he could realize the intensity of his passions, his body became tense with sudden chilly sensation and he was literally frozen to the mores.
She turned slowly and saw his condition. It took her some time to come out from her still (ness) state.
Umeshwari You should not have touched me in this state! Passion and meditation are entirely two different conditions of body which emit strong vibrations of hot and cold energy. Both acquire powerful fields of respective energies. Passion charges the body cells and erects a lusty (red) field around the body; meditation stills the cells and emits cool magnetic rays.
Seeing her complete nude, he recovered his senses soon and enveloped her in his vast hold. She melted her chilliness and surrendered to him warmth.
‘You know, if you had not held me last night, I would have jumped in the river’.
Shantnu Why, my love!
Umeshwari Because I love you, my charming man. But my love is pure and pious.
Shantnu Love is always pure and pious