Very Funny Spoken English, You'll Love it

Someone mailed me and I am posting here as I enjoyed it.

[FONT=&quot]In Tamilnadu, there is a well known person by name, Mr. Jeppier, Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing colleges, always speaks in English. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]That college [/FONT][FONT=&quot]students have collected & published a book by name "Jappier's Spoken English"[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot] Njoy ...........with his..............English.............. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]"Jappier's Spoken English"[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

# At the ground:
----------------- [/FONT]
All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes here.{Means: girl with specs please come here). [/FONT]

# To a boy, angrily:[/FONT]
--------------------- [/FONT]
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk? (Viche kyon bolda hein?)[/FONT]

# While punishing students: [/FONT]
You, rotate the ground four times... (Chaar gede maar)
You, go and understand the tree... (Ped thalle khada ho)
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]# Sir at his best: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them.
So the next day at school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you
WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"[/FONT]

# Sir at his best inside the Class room: [/FONT]
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences

Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At Sathyabama college day 2002:

"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"

At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:

"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "