first & foremost YOU are not alone, we are all here to support you. I will PM u my number, feel free to talk anytime.
Also the symptoms you have mentioned reveals anxiety & depressive symptoms , start by seeing a psychiatrist , trust me there is absolutely no shame in doing that . I myself am being treated for the same.
In case you dont want to go , try Petril 0.25 mg which is a chewable tab which calms you down (totally safe & OTC drug)
More importantly you need to keep yourself busy, roam about, pick up a hobby , join a language/cooking/dance/ photography etc class & the chances of you meeting like minded people will get higher.
In the end, remember no one is going to make you happy, you need to create your happiness yourself. Try meditation , yoga or join the Buddhism faith.
Also , God gave you this life & you have absolutely no right to take that away or anyone else's for that matter. To quit is cowardly to fight is Braver ..
We all love you JV