Reasons Why It's Great to Be a Guy

  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  • Movie nudity is virtually always female.
  • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  • Monday Night Football.
  • The bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
  • You can open all your own jars.
  • Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
  • When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
  • A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
  • You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
  • You understand why the movie "Stripes" is funny.
  • You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
  • The garage is all yours.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  • You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
  • If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
  • Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
  • The National College Cheerleading Championship.
  • You don't have to shave below your neck.
  • If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
  • Everything on your face stays its original color.
  • You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
  • Flowers fix everything.
  • You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
  • Three pair of shoes is more than enough.
  • Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
  • Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
  • You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
  • Auto mechanics tell you the truth.
  • You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking, "He must be mad at me."
  • You get to jump up and slap stuff.
  • One mood, all the time.
  • You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
  • You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
  • You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
  • Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
  • Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
  • You don't mooch off others' desserts.
  • If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
  • The remote is yours and yours alone.
  • ESPN's Sports Center.
  • Bachelor parties rule over bridal showers.
  • You don't need to pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
  • If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become life long buddies.
  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  • New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  • You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
  • Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
  • Baywatch.
  • There is always a game on somewhere.

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