Post Marriage Strains

[Gabru_Gulab_Varga]

A guy at work seems quite stressed and secretive at times. So I took him out to lunch today. During lunch, this guy really opened up his whole life story to me, which I thought I might run by you folks as well. This work colleague of mine supposedly got married some three years ago. According to him, he and his wife were really happy for a year and a half, but then slowly things started to change and now their marriage is on the verge of crashing. My colleague doesn't want to live with his wife, but seems forced to as he has a son (whom he loves very dearly). Now just to complicate things, he started a relation with another women some 8 months ago. When I asked him what the problem in his marriage was, he just shrugged his shoulders and said "i don't know...things just aren't the same!"

The story above may be of an Australian gora, but the issue of divorce and marriage breakdowns is very common in our community too. So, what do you guys think about the whole situation? Why are so many marriages hitting the rocks a few years down the track in our community? What happens to all the lovey dovey stuff that we see before and just after the marriage? What hapens to the vows we take before the guru granth sahib ji?

For your curiousity, according to my colleague he had a semi-love marriage. He and his partner were introduced to one another through an aunt.

 

[sukh kaur]

ppl dnt try hard enough wen they av some1 for life they feel that they dnt have to make the effort anymore bt u do xxxxxxxx

 

[Gabru_Gulab_Varga]

Mera aapna viah tan nahi hoya, so mein bohat kuch keh nahi sakda….tanhi tan tuhanu sareyan nu question kita.

Jithe tak mera dimaag kam karda, meinoo eh lagda ke loki bhul jande ke life vich viah toh baad jumivaariya sir pai jandiyan. Jehra romance viah tu pahela hunda, ja honey moon period viah to baad - oh sadha layi nahi hunda. Long term relationship ik roller coaster vang hai. Kiddhe romance vadh da, te kadi ghat da. Te jad eh ghat da, apaan nu samaj lena chahida ke sada partner sanu koi ghat pyar nahi karda, bas thora fasla mang reha. Tusi apne favourite ganne di example le lo. Je apaan murr murr ke ik hi ganna suni jaiye, apaan ohde tu thora bored ho jande han. Par, je ohi ganna thore break vaad suneya jave tan oh ganna kuch fir vi hit hi lagda. Baki gall tuhade te hai jinna gurh pao ge, rishte di mithaas un hi vadhoogi!

Dooji gall mein eh kehoonga, ke aaj kal lokan di soch bohat halki hogayi hai. Jiddan kuriyan/munde bf/gf minta ‘ch change karde firde, ja do-do, tin-tin rakhi firde ik time te – oh viah to baad vi apniyan harketan tu nahi badal de. Jiven ke mera gora colleague. Tusi time dekh lo kina badal gaya, aah thore hi chir di gall hai (5-10yrs) jad pindaan vich kuri/munde nu marr dende si ohne de ghar de jad patta lag janda si ke oh bf/gf bane hun.

Theeji gall: Har rishte vich marri moti ghee-meen tan ho jandi hai. Je kise ne ik duje kuch keh dita, tan thande dimaag naal shant hoke apni problems solve karo. Te je gall alcohol de influence under hoyi hai, fir sofi bake baitho te gall karo. Nake heat of the argument vich, ik duje to vadh charr ke jawab den lag pai. Fir tan zahir hi hona ke gaddi bohat chir rorr ni nahi!

Chal, meriyan gallan shado. Tusi hun kuch daso, ke aaj kal rishte last kyun nahi karde jiven picchle zamaneya ‘ch karde si? Ki jo apaan dekh reha aa, eh kalyug di nishani hai?

 

[Panjaban]

Tuhade uss colleague nu ki kahiye, puthey pairr ape chakke hoye ne, he should have tried to sort things out with his current wife, je ohdi "wife" nu eh sabh pata lage ke ohde "husband" ne gf rakhi ah,ohde mann te ki beetu gi?? Munde nu ki lagda? Things will get better??? Pehlli gall taa eh ah ke he doesn't even have a freakin reason, ke ohdi life channgi kio ni chall rahi ohdi wife naal. Dooji gall ah ke he's taking a wrong step already. i will simply say ke je ohnu apni "wife" de naal relationship di fikar hundi taa he would have done something else instead going off with another woman. That is CHEATING, he doesn't seem to give a damn about his relationship, a son and a wife, it doesn't seem like they even matter to him. Ja fer he needs to give a good enough reason, reasoning jaroori ah eho jeha step chukkan wale lai.

 

[Panjaban]

Mera v viaah ni hoya par assi marri motti jaankari rakhi di ah jaroor.

Zindagi vich kujh v perfect ni haiga, koi eho jehi cheej ni hundi jehnu tusi kaho ke "haan, bass eh hi hai ja yes, this is it" isse karke saanu zindagi vich samjhotte karne painde ah. Compromise karna painda life de naal.
Sabh fainnsle soch samajh ke lainne chahide ah, je koi relationship workout nai kar rahi we cant just walk away from it, jidda ajj kall de jawaak karde ah, ik word keh ke gall mukka dinde "Sorry" or "We're done, you're not my type" (Pehhla fer kachiya kalliya torr da reha?) *Ahem* Anyways, je koi relationship, koi rishta nai work out kar reha, ask for advise, lokka di salaah pucho, apne dosta mittra di, baaki apna dimaag varrtan di lorr hundi. Divorcing off is in not the way out, think just a lil harder.

 

[Pardesan Punjaban]

marrige jadon hundi aa te 2 jane ikathe hunde means they have to live togather

and jina merzi hove kade vo do bandia dee habit same nahi ho sakdia and assi alone apni merzi naal rahen dee habit bani hundi specialy westren world ch........u know apne .........and jadon kise naal wiah karde te apne app noo change karna painda.......so compromise karna painda kise noo thora kise noo jiada

and first 2-3 saal te bande noo ik doosre dia habit janan noo lag jaande and i guess thora used to ho jaande ik doosre naal

and ithe saare jane bada fun karn dee habit hundi..............wiah ton vaad sirf 1-2 saal hee chalda then they have more respons. jaan after babies.... they won't be able to go out or anything then they think meri life ch kee aa so boring.................can't live like this

and je tusi mature nahi aa te wrong track te pai sakde

bas inna bahut aa jina ko dekhia alle duale baaki fer kade sahi

 

[pps309]

I know just one thing....munde ta kudi jinna bi ek duje nu pyar karde pasand karde......they cannot be alike....or exactly same.

So now question is what to do when they are different........
answer to that is both can be complimentary to each other. I feel both being complimentary to each other is far better than both being alike.

One half is girl, other half is guy dovein milke ik pura circle bana sakde aa.

To be complimentary.....there needs to be love, respect, adjustments, support from both sides.

Both guy, gal needs to accept the difference in between them and then respect each other knowing they two are not exactly same.

 

[Gabru_Gulab_Varga]

Jawaab sohne dite, shabaash! Chuki chalo phatte.

 

[Pardesan Punjaban]

chuk nahi sakddi phatte ikalie
bahut bhare han

 

[Gabru_Gulab_Varga]

Chal ik do phattean naal mein hath puaadoon...>haha

 

[Gabru_Gulab_Varga]

Ik gall hor puchni si sareyan kalon. Aaj kal india de kuri/munde kyun bareleyan nu kharab karde hun? Mera matlab viah shaadi kar lende choote pyar vyar dikhaal ke. Apne aap nu changey bana ke. Par jad ohna de pair pakke ho jande, oh lath marr ke do gharria 'ch apne bf, ja gf nu magga lende. Aaj kal eh bhoot bohat jaadeyan de sir te savaar hai. Mera apna dost is gall da shikaar ban hattya. Poor thing, he nearly committed suicide. . Kyun kar rehe loki aise girrhe hoye kam? Ki hogaya lokan de sharam te izzat nu? Je soreha di pagg da khyaal nahi, tan ghato ghat apne mata pita di izzat da tan khyaal rakh lo!

 

[Pardesan Punjaban]

........................

 

[Pardesan Punjaban]

Ik gall hor puchni si sareyan kalon. Aaj kal india de kuri/munde kyun bareleyan nu kharab karde hun? Mera matlab viah shaadi kar lende choote pyar vyar dikhaal ke. Apne aap nu changey bana ke. Par jad ohna de pair pakke ho jande, oh lath marr ke do gharria 'ch apne bf, ja gf nu magga lende. Aaj kal eh bhoot bohat jaadeyan de sir te savaar hai. Mera apna dost is gall da shikaar ban hattya. Poor thing, he nearly committed suicide. . Kyun kar rehe loki aise girrhe hoye kam? Ki hogaya lokan de sharam te izzat nu? Je soreha di pagg da khyaal nahi, tan ghato ghat apne mata pita di izzat da tan khyaal rakh lo!

kion kee movie vaang ohna de ghar de wiah kar dinde
and vaad ch ohnanoo lagda main os koo bhool nahi sakda

 

[Niki_Grewal]

My 2 cents; Lack of patience in today's world, lack of mutual understanding, lack of time, lack of love, lack of mutual respect and lack of dedication towards eachother and last but not least...ppl do think tht marriage is a separable relation....if they will think its inseperable...its impossible to get separative....they ll do efforts to make it work....it frustrates me..n to be true scares me to the hell....kalnu idhan hi na hove apne naal vi kite

 

[Angel_Eyes]

My 2 cents; Lack of patience in today's world, lack of mutual understanding, lack of time, lack of love, lack of mutual respect and lack of dedication towards eachother and last but not least...ppl do think tht marriage is a separable relation....if they will think its inseperable...its impossible to get separative....they ll do efforts to make it work....it frustrates me..n to be true scares me to the hell....kalnu idhan hi na hove apne naal vi kite

so true, it just happens that if one person keep giving 100% of themselves, then other has to show the same too...its a 2 way street, Rest i soo wanna stay away from this thread coz my head is very messed up at the moment, it will blow up any moment.

 

[Pardesan Punjaban]

so true, it just happens that if one person keep giving 100% of themselves, then other has to show the same too...its a 2 way street, Rest i soo wanna stay away from this thread coz my head is very messed up at the moment, it will blow up any moment.

angelo kee hoyia

 

[Gabru_Gulab_Varga]

Ki hoya didi? U k?

 

[Panjaban]

sis ji ki ho giya? ainne garam kaate hoye paye?

 

[Niki_Grewal]

so true, it just happens that if one person keep giving 100% of themselves, then other has to show the same too...its a 2 way street, Rest i soo wanna stay away from this thread coz my head is very messed up at the moment, it will blow up any moment.

i knw wht u mean navu.....bina dasse samjh gai aan....yahoo te haige ho?

 

[SHauKeeN GaBRu]

but i reckon money to be one of the main cause....money is one important cause for all these problems...