Bridget Jones’s Baby review: Behold! Another movie tells women they need a man

Miss Alone

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Bridget Jones’s Baby
Director: Sharon Maguire
Cast: Renee Zellweger, Colin Firth and Patrick Dempsey
Rating: 2.5

Dear diary,
I don’t know what I was expecting when took my seat in the theatre today. Was I hoping for Bridget Jones’s Baby to make me feel better about my life as a single woman like both its predecessors did when I watched them back to back on the night when my boyfriend dumped me? Or was I expecting it to be a dud like most third parts, reboots, remakes are these days? What I do know is how I felt as I left my seat: Disappointed.
There is a reason Bridget Jones is always high up on the lists of ‘movies you should watch after break up’ even though it doesn’t tell you to be independent or that you don’t need a man. The reason is hope. If there is hope for someone as clumsy and downright messed up as Bridget (Renee Zellweger) to find not one but two hot, perfect men to love her, so can you. And you (the freshly dumped girl) buy it with a ‘hopeful’ heart that you too will find your Mr Darcy someday.

It all seems like a pleasant dream until your days in waiting turn to months which turn to years and you figure out that you spent an entire life waiting for someone. And sadly, Bridget Jones’s Baby is not here to help you with that realisation. It is still telling you to wait for the man. Turned 43? Don’t give up. Got pregnant? Stay strong and look for the guy because you do need a man to raise a child. Bridget still thinks it is not her own foolishness that’s making her life a mess but the simple fact that she doesn’t have a ‘knight in shining armour’. It may have been insignificant for viewers in 2001 but digesting it in 2016 is a tad difficult.
Speaking of unrealistic things, Bridget now has another hot guy added to her list of suitors. Mr Darcy (Colin Firth) is now in a jealously-fueled competition with Jack Qwant (Patrick Dempsey or Mc Dreamy of Grey’s Anatomy), for the hand of Bridget – who looks more like Meredith Grey herself now – and her baby! The story is thankfully more reasonable than the second part. This time, confusion’s favourite child is pregnant and the father of her kid could be either of these two men.

Now because this is the Bridget Jones series, the men are fighting each other to be the chosen one to will help raise the child. But the choice is tough. On one hand, she has Jack, a billionaire writer who makes vegan smoothies (he is a little bit of a hipster too) and the dapper Mr Darcy, the barrister every woman has dreamt of marrying. Sure, it seems like a very sweet problem to have but it is a problem nonetheless.

The temperament of the film is fuelled by juvenoia (noun. The fear or hostility directed by an older generation towards a younger one, or toward youth culture), casual racist jokes (an Indian with a complex name; an Italian who sells pizzas and speaks like Mario) and caricaturing of feminism (a girl band that sings of ‘menstruation, castration, liberation’).
Sure, in its heart, Bridget Jones Baby is a lot like the first two films: Romantic, hopeful, clumsy and funny (if mild racism is your thing). It has all the good vibes of a fun chick flick to watch with your girls. But, as I warned you dear diary, don’t let Bridget tell you that a failed relationship is worth another shot because you are having a baby with the guy.
I am sorry Bridget but I can no longer love you ‘just the way you are’. You need to get yourself together and not depend on Mr Darcy for the happiness in your life. And please don’t be sitting on that horrid sofa singing ‘All By Myself’ in another 10 years.