American defination of Diwali

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked
by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali"
to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...

" So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and
people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something,
was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to,
ike, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or

Since he was going, for like, something like more
than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and
his bro along... you that they could all chill out

But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really
man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.

But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and
arrows... so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk
called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away his hood.
And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... And you
>don't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass and like... all
the gods were with him... So anyways,you don't mess with gods.

So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude,
>don't ask me how they trained the monkeys...
just go along with me, ok... so, Ram, Lax and their
monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.

Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the
forest..and gets kinda boring,you know...
no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to
hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize
that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home...

>> They thought, well, you know, at least they deserve
>>something nice... and they didn't have any bars or
>>clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out
>>for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and
>>shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit
>>the lamps also...
>> so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those
>>fireworks... Really, they even had some local band
>>play along with the fireworks... and you know, what,
>>dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was
>>the very first music-synchronized fireworks...
>> you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more
>>cooler and stuff, you know.
>> And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival
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