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- When asked by the police how many times she hit Tiger, Elin replied "I'm not sure, put me down for a 5"
- I think Tiger needs a new driver, his current shaft keeps getting him in trouble!
- I read that the PGA are now investigating Tiger for having too many "woodies" in his bag!
- Tiger and Elin will get back together because she is already hitting on him.
- After scoring a couple of beautiful birdies earlier on, Tiger finds himself in serious trouble at the last hole, coming home.
- Did Elin use a "rescue club" to extract him from the Escalade?
- Tiger was found exactly two club lengths from his car due to a lost ball penalty - if the cops would have arrived a minute later he'd have lost the other one as well.
- Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.
- What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
- Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
- Tiger's tip for wayward golfers: never ask your wife to keep track of your balls.
- I always knew Woods was a better putter than driver.
- Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
- What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 300 yards.
- If Elin really did whack Tiger a couple of times with a golf club, it would have been in line with the rules of golf: there's a 2-stroke penalty for playing the wrong hole.
- Hey Adidas, this is Tiger, Nike found your number in my phone. I need you to change your name...