Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
Married life is very frustrating:
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!"
The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?"
She says, "Pack'em all, you're leaving!"
Marriage is a three ring circus:
1. engagement ring
2. wedding ring
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
Question: How do most men define marriage?
Answer: A very expensive way to get your laundry done.